In some countries, a lot of children have health issues and are becoming overweight. Some people think that the government should be responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #health #people #government

Yes

Add the punctuation

Yes,

show examples

it is

bitter

Change the adjective

bitterly

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true, is just because of junk

food

and

childrens

Correct your spelling

children

children's

Correct your spelling

not

show examples

take

balanced

Correct article usage

a balanced

show examples

diet. In

this

century

there

Rephrase

apply

show examples

all

childrens

Correct your spelling

children

show examples

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

eat tasty

food

. In the past

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

they

were

Unnecessary verb

apply

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ate proper house

food

. They do not

ate

Change the verb form

eat

show examples

street

food

Governmet

Correct your spelling

Government

not provides

Change the verb form

does not provide

show examples

pure

food

to the people

this

is the main reason

health

Change preposition

for health

show examples

issue

Fix the agreement mistake

issues

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childrens

Correct your spelling

children

show examples

Nowdays

Correct the word

Nowadays

show examples

parents are

equaly resposible

Correct your spelling

equally responsible

for

this

because they do not pay

attension

Correct your spelling

attention

to their children. But

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

need to take responsibility to improve their

food

. They

hier

Correct your spelling

hire

the

Correct article usage

show examples

food

inspector to inspect the

food

who sell

Change preposition

show examples

their local streets. The

food

inspectors went to the schools to aware the children

to eat

Verb problem

aware of

show examples

junk

food

and took

responcibility

Correct your spelling

responsibility

Change preposition

for

show examples

their

maret

Correct your spelling

mouths

serves

Wrong verb form

serving

show examples

pure and best pulses and

vegitables

Correct your spelling

vegetables

Submitted by hpc5896 on Thu Dec 14 2023

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introduction conclusion present

The essay does not have a clear introduction or conclusion, which are essential for structuring the argument effectively. Ensure that the essay starts with an introduction that paraphrases the question and sets out your position, and concludes with a summary of your main points and a restatement of your opinion.

logical structure

The essay's structure is hard to follow due to a lack of clear progression between ideas. Use paragraphs effectively, each with a clear central topic, and connect your ideas with appropriate linking words to improve the logical flow.

supported main points

While the essay attempts to support the main points, the arguments would benefit from more elaboration and the inclusion of specific examples to strengthen the position taken. Develop each point with sufficient detail and evidence to be convincing.

complete response

The response is incomplete and partially addresses the task, but it does not fully develop a clear argument nor does it discuss the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement. The response should comprehensively answer the question and clearly state the extent of agreement or disagreement throughout the essay, providing compelling reasons for the position held.

clear comprehensive ideas

The main ideas presented in the essay are difficult to understand due to a lack of clarity and comprehensiveness. Work on clearly expressing your ideas, expanding on them with detailed explanations, and ensuring that the reader can easily comprehend the points being made.

relevant specific examples

The essay lacks the use of relevant and specific examples to support the arguments. It is important to integrate concrete examples that are directly related to your points to illustrate your arguments and make them more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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1Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

131 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some countries, a lot of children have health issues and are becoming overweight. Some people think that the government should be responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Average daily sales of four products, by numbers of servings in winter and summer

The computer is widely used in education and some people think that teachers will not play important roles in the classroom. To what extent do you agree?

More and more people use private motorbikes or cars instead of taking public transport. What are the reasons for this trend? How can the government encourage people to take public transport? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.