Celebrities are famous for their weath and glamorous lifestyle instead of their achievements. This sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Now a days
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
,
Celebrities
are booming all around the world via different things
such
as
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
, instagram, movies and television shows.
Due to
this
scenario,
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
of interested
people
get
inspiring
Wrong verb form
inspired
show examples
every day and try their best to achieve the level of
people
who get inspired. I
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
disagreeing
Wrong verb form
disagree
show examples
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
statement that
Celebrities
are more
familar
Correct your spelling
familiar
due to
their luxurious
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
. I explain
you
Change preposition
to you
show examples
much detail
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
how
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
difficulties which hide behind their life story of
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. Achievements are not often reachable by
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ordinary
people
. The One who is too crazy
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
certain things, those
people
could get the rewards and become a
celebrity
. Once they
attained
Wrong verb form
attain
show examples
the limit, They automatically get
much
Correct quantifier usage
more
show examples
salaries than the normal
people
.
This
made them financially free. Before
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
sweet incidents, a lot of
hardword
Correct your spelling
hard work
,
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
, creative ideas and determined thoughts
be
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
the reason to become popular. So
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
a
celebrity
is not an easy task to achieve by a common
people
. In
this
modern world, everyone needs
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
motivation and
following
Wrong verb form
follow
show examples
the role model to attain their dream. It is very
contradict
Replace the word
contradictory
show examples
to understand that the passage
has mentioning
Wrong verb form
mentions
show examples
that
youth
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
people
consider it as
worse
Add an article
a worse
show examples
example.
Actual
Correct article usage
The actual
show examples
truth is,
youths
Correct word choice
that youths
show examples
are getting ideas and finding the correct path by following their lovable
celebrities
. Christiano Ronaldo,
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is one of the great
legend
Change to a plural noun
legends
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
football. Apart from his
carreer
Correct your spelling
career
, he is very well known to the world as
star
Correct article usage
a star
show examples
celebrity
. A Normal guy like me
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
watched his matches
continuosly
Correct your spelling
continuously
and
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
admired his skills. Later he learned a lot of tips and tricks for playing football. At the age
21
Change preposition
of 21
show examples
, he
represent
Wrong verb form
represented
show examples
his country for
fifa
Correct your spelling
FIFA
and played against
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
celebrity
he loved. From
this
real time incident, I concluded that
youth
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
people
always
takes
Verb problem
do
show examples
the right things
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
follow their passion and
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
admired
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
celebrities
to attain their
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
show examples
.
Submitted by balakumar5799 on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Support your main points with clear explanations and relevant examples. Avoid ambiguous statements that do not contribute to the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Get your IELTS Essential Vocabulary List —
Topic Vocabulary:
  • prioritize material wealth
  • genuine achievement
  • unrealistic understanding of success
  • significant effort or skill
  • glamorous lifestyle
  • negative self-esteem
  • mental health issues
  • comparing themselves
  • seemingly perfect lives
  • skewed perception of reality
  • promote positive social causes
  • constructive activities
  • positive influence
  • overshadow
  • motivational factor
  • overcome significant challenges
  • perseverance
  • dedication
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