IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Today, it is common to see famous sports people advertising sports products. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#sports #people #products #trend
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These days many
athlete
Change to a plural noun
athletes
show examples
 start to
promot
Correct your spelling
promote
 some
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 products. I think the
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 are less than the drawbacks. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 it will be
mention
Wrong verb form
mentioned
show examples
. The positive impact is that, since
people
 are a fan of a
player
,they trust him or her and buy that
product
. To give an example , Messy is a very
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
 soccer
player
 in the world. He acted in a commercial which was about
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
shoes.
Thus
 many
people
 bought that brand of shoes and it was a huge
sucsess
Correct your spelling
success
 for the company and him. A majority of managers might ask him to advertise their items and they may pay better money to him
On the other hand
, in some
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
 they just think about money rather than the quality of that
product
 or the price of it .
For instance
, A
player
 advertised
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tracksuits which
wasn'
Change the verb form
weren't
show examples
t
 good and expensive and the
people
 weren'
t
 satisfied with them . But they couldn'
t
 do anything.
Therefore
, that
player
 might
losevhis
Correct your spelling
lose his
 or
fans
Correct pronoun usage
their fans
her fans
his fans
show examples
. The other companies won'
t
sing
Correct your spelling
sign
show examples
 any contracts with them.Another example is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
thoes
Correct your spelling
those
 athletes will
promot
Correct your spelling
promote
 a
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
product
, but the company is a thief.
People
 will purchase an item
however
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 won'
t
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 it.
Hense
Correct your spelling
Hence
show examples
, the athlete
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 introduced that
product
 will be in trouble. In conclusion, promoting
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 products by athletes can be good in some ways.
Otherwise
Add a comma
Otherwise,
show examples
 it might
Correct your spelling
have
hsve
Correct your spelling
have
 negative impacts
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 them
Submitted by atefehghavamnia on

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coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea which is developed, rather than listing examples or ideas. Make sure the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs is maintained, using a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively.
task achievement
Ensure that you fully address all parts of the task. Provide a clear position throughout the response. Expand and support your ideas with fully developed arguments and relevant examples, ensuring that you provide a balanced view if the question requires it.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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