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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

⚪️ People these days watch TV, films and other programmes alone rather than with other people. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages.

#people #tv #films #programmes #development
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Due to
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 technological advancements, many people nowadays prefer to watch television, movies, and other entertainment alone. Certainly,
such
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 a predilection has advantages and
disadvantages
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. Though
this
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 approach has many advantages, I feel the
disadvantages
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 outweigh them. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I will discuss the advantages and
disadvantages
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 of the issue and explain why I believe in the latter. On the one hand, it is evident that insular watching provides the most comfort since you do not have to haggle with anybody to select which film to watch or because you can pause, turn up, or turn down the sound at your leisure.
This
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 implies people are more inclined to select programming
that is
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 customized to their preferences.
Moreover
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, viewing television alone gives you more flexibility.
Also
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, some introverts find it difficult to conceal their inner feelings in front of large groups of people.
On the other hand
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, the
disadvantages
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 are pertinent to severe social connection interference. Spending more
time
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 alone can reduce your communication capacity and weaken your bonds with family members, friends, and acquaintances. We used to watch leisure shows together, critique them, and laugh together in unison.
As a result
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, new spectra are created and made available for future discussion. We are now less inclined
to begin
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 a conversation and are becoming unprecedentedly averse to engaging in any discussion. If
this
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 problem continues to afflict our contemporary culture in the long run, the consequences will be extremely difficult to predict.
To sum up
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,
while
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 watching films alone can provide individuals with complete ease, the drawbacks it brings are equally horrendous. To prevent
this
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, we should balance personal and social
time
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 by replacing family
time
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 with alone
time
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.
Submitted by rifkiw1205 on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to better support your points. While you did provide some scenarios and disadvantages, incorporating more concrete examples could significantly strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the transitions between your ideas are smooth. You've done a great job structuring your essay, but focusing more on linking words and phrases could enhance the flow even more.
task achievement
You presented a clear thesis statement and a well-rounded argument, detailing both advantages and disadvantages before stating your personal viewpoint. This is crucial for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is commendable, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organization aids in the reader's understanding and keeps your ideas neatly compartmentalized.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • personal freedom
  • compromise
  • negotiate
  • viewing preferences
  • enhanced focus
  • immerse
  • understanding
  • appreciation
  • independent decision-making
  • autonomy
  • personal responsibility
  • isolation
  • social disconnection
  • loneliness
  • shared viewing experiences
  • bonding opportunities
  • collective experience
  • discussions
  • communal aspect
  • screen time
  • physical and mental health
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