IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. others believe that some information is too important to be shared freely. discuss both views ang give your opinion ?

#people #information #research #business #world #ang
In modern times, the issue of sharing
information
 is a crucial one. Many individuals opine that some
resources
 should not be shared independently,
whereas
 others say that cognitive
information
 should be shared freely. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss both perspectives and provide my
overall
 opinion. Generally speaking, there are a number of reasons why people believe that sharing knowledgeable
resources
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 very significant. Because
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
 scientific research needs reliable
data
. For particular research, if scientists have all previous
experiments
Change the noun form
experiment
show examples
data
, they will gain success easily. In the
business
 sector, reliable knowledge is an integral part of a
business
.
For instance
, if
business related
Add a hyphen
business-related
show examples
information
Add a missing verb
is shares
show examples
shares
Replace the word
shared
show examples
 appropriately, more and more
entrepreneur
Fix the agreement mistake
entrepreneurs
show examples
 gain knowledge
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to start
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 and achieve success. In the academic sector, valuable
resources
 play a vital role.
For example
, previous
questions
Change the noun form
question
show examples
 papers help the students in their
exam
Fix the agreement mistake
exams
show examples
 because they get
idea
Add an article
an idea
the idea
show examples
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
 to get good
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
 in their
examination
Fix the agreement mistake
examinations
show examples
.
On the other hand
, there are those who say that the
resources
 are very important and these are not sharable like if our personal
data
 is shared publicly, we will face blackmail and hassle. In conclusion, it must be said that sharing
information
 in various sectors has become a complex issue with no solutions despite arguments to the contrary, I strongly feel that we should share valuable
data
 because it helps others to achieve success.
Submitted by masqurjoy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You should strive to maintain a clear position throughout your response. Although you presented both sides of the argument, the clarity and development of your own opinion could be substantially improved.
task achievement
Paragraphs must be well-balanced. Ensure that your essay contains evenly developed paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and be supported by relevant examples and detailed explanation.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a logical sequence. There were instances where the progression of ideas was not entirely smooth. Use cohesive devices appropriately to ensure the essay flows well from beginning to end.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Watch out for run-on sentences and comma splices, and ensure that your use of vocabulary is precise. Mistakes can hinder the clarity of your argument.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your points. While you attempted to include examples, they need to be more detailed and directly related to the topic. The use of vague or generic statements does not effectively demonstrate task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!