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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money. what are the reasons and solutions for this issue?

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it is believed that nowadays students abandon their school without learning how to spend their
money
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 in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 correct
way
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.
this
Linking Words
 essay will present some root causes and effective solutions. The main reason is the
way
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how
Rephrase
apply
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people educate children.
First
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The first
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 cause is
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of educational subjects about
money
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 and finance at schools.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are some subjects at schools
such
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 as art or music, but there is no teaching about soft skills
such
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 as finance
management
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 or time
management
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.
Second,
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this
Linking Words
 problem comes from family and It
also
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 depends on family.
Usually
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Usually,
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parents
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 allow to their children spend
money
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 without any attention and
education
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 about controlling their budget. There are
also
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 some solutions for
this
Linking Words
 issue. The first
way
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 to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem is to add some
sciences
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science
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 and lecturers about disposing
finances
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of finances
show examples
. By adding subjects
such
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 as financial
management
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 government can increase
awareness
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the awareness
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 of young people about
value
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the value
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 of
money
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 and
rational
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the rational
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way
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 of spending
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
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.
Linking Words
Secondly
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Secondly,
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i
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I
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 think that acquiring
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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 about
money
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 from
parents
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 may be a possible solution
for
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to
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this
Linking Words
 issue.
Parents
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 can allocate a certain amount of
money
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 for their children.
For example
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,
parents
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 can give 20 dollars for the child’s personal expenses per week. I think
that is
Linking Words
a
Change the article
the
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 best
way
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 to teach
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
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 about spending
money
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 wisely. In conclusion, a lot of youngsters finish their high school
education
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 without
no
Correct determiner usage
any
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knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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 about financial
management
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.
This
Linking Words
 is the result of incorrect
education
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 of schools and
parents
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
parents
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 and
Correct article usage
the ministry
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ministry
Capitalize word
Ministry
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 of
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education
Capitalize word
Education
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 should take actions like creating practical classes and sharing information about
use
Add an article
the use
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 of
money
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay is organized logically, with a clear progression of ideas throughout. Establish a strong connection between paragraphs using a variety of linking mechanisms. Support main points with detailed explanations and development, rather than presenting them in a list-like manner.
task achievement
Expand on the task by fully addressing all parts of the prompt. While you have touched on reasons and solutions, develop these further with complex sentences and more nuanced explanations. Provide specific examples to illustrate your points and demonstrate a clear understanding of the task.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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