Some people think that those working in creative arts should be financially supported by governments. Others think they should find financial support from other resources. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
It is a highly debatable issue whether the state should provide creative
the
monetary assistance to Correct article usage
apply
people
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
who indulged
indulged
in Wrong verb form
indulge
arts
or not. Use synonyms
However
, I, believe that Linking Words
Use synonyms
government
should not support the Correct article usage
the government
people
by giving Use synonyms
money
to them as it increases the burden Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
on
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
people
can Use synonyms
loose
the urge to earn Replace the word
lose
the
Correct article usage
apply
money
. The same Use synonyms
would
be discussed with relevant examples in the subsequent paragraphs.
To commence with, the Wrong verb form
will
people
who are Use synonyms
doings
fine Correct your spelling
doing
arts
should get some financial help from the Use synonyms
government
as they represent our nation and Use synonyms
this
is the only source they Linking Words
are having
. To be more precise , Wrong verb form
have
people
doing creative Use synonyms
arts
Use synonyms
having
limited Wrong verb form
have
source
of earnings and only Fix the agreement mistake
sources
few
of them can Change the article
a few
make
Verb problem
gain
the
fame in it . Correct article usage
apply
For example
, in Linking Words
this
contemporary Linking Words
era
social media can make a person over night star but only some of them can maintain their stardom Add a comma
era,
due to
that they lost the ways to make Linking Words
money
for their survival. Use synonyms
Thus
, financial help from Linking Words
Use synonyms
government
can be Correct article usage
the government
boon
for many Correct article usage
a boon
people
.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, there are umpteen reasons why the authorities should not support the artist financially but the prominent one is that it increases the burden of the Linking Words
government
. Use synonyms
In other
Linking Words
words
the state has Add a comma
words,
lot
of responsibilities for which the authority Change the article
a lot
need
Change the verb form
needs
funds
and giving Use synonyms
money
can Use synonyms
leads
towards the lack of Wrong verb form
lead
funds
. To cite an example, the legislature has Use synonyms
lot
of projects to work on and Add an article
a lot
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
funds
can leave adverse effects and can cause Use synonyms
hindderence
in the growth of the country. Correct your spelling
hindrance
Hence
Linking Words
government
should organise events through which the artist Use synonyms
as well as
the state can generate the finances.
Linking Words
Fortyfying
Correct your spelling
Fortifying
further
, Linking Words
the
another worth considering point is that it can make the artists indolent which can stop them from doing Remove the article
apply
hardwork
. To justify, if one Correct your spelling
hard work
get
everything thing without doing anything surely can Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
effect
the ability of a person. To illustrate, Correct your spelling
affect
spoon feeding
makes Add a hyphen
spoon-feeding
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
lazy which destroys their true potential. Use synonyms
Therefore
, Linking Words
Use synonyms
government
should not financially assist Add an article
the government
people
Use synonyms
Change preposition
with
arts
.
By Use synonyms
the
way Correct article usage
apply
of
conclusion I concur that Change preposition
in
although
Linking Words
,
there are some merits of helping financially Remove the comma
apply
to
the creative Change preposition
apply
art's
Change noun form
art
people
Use synonyms
Linking Words
however
, there are more Add the comma(s)
, however
drawback
and Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
Use synonyms
government
should invest the Correct article usage
the government
funds
in other major projects for the betterment of the country.Use synonyms
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the structure of your argument. While an introduction and conclusion are present, they could be improved by stating the topic more clearly and summarizing your main points more effectively at the end.
task achievement
Support your main points with clear and specific examples. While you have provided examples, they could be more detailed and directly linked to the points you are making to enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Develop a clear and logical structure in your essay. Use transitional phrases to connect your ideas smoothly, and make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is thoroughly developed.
task achievement
While addressing the task, it's necessary to cover all parts of the prompt evenly. You should present both sides of the argument and your own opinion with equal development and support. Aim for a balanced discussion and a clear personal stance, which is currently not sufficiently supported.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.