Some people think that those working in creative arts should be financially supported by governments. Others think they should find financial support from other resources. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
It is a highly debatable issue whether the state should provide creative
the
monetary assistance to Correct article usage
apply
people
Correct pronoun usage
who indulged
indulged
in Wrong verb form
indulge
arts
or not. However
, I, believe that government
should not support the Correct article usage
the government
people
by giving money
to them as it increases the burden of
Change preposition
on
government
Correct article usage
the government
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
people
can loose
the urge to earn Replace the word
lose
the
Correct article usage
apply
money
. The same would
be discussed with relevant examples in the subsequent paragraphs.
To commence with, the Wrong verb form
will
people
who are doings
fine Correct your spelling
doing
arts
should get some financial help from the government
as they represent our nation and this
is the only source they are having
. To be more precise , Wrong verb form
have
people
doing creative arts
having
limited Wrong verb form
have
source
of earnings and only Fix the agreement mistake
sources
few
of them can Change the article
a few
make
Verb problem
gain
the
fame in it . Correct article usage
apply
For example
, in this
contemporary era
social media can make a person over night star but only some of them can maintain their stardom Add a comma
era,
due to
that they lost the ways to make money
for their survival. Thus
, financial help from government
can be Correct article usage
the government
boon
for many Correct article usage
a boon
people
.
On the other hand
, there are umpteen reasons why the authorities should not support the artist financially but the prominent one is that it increases the burden of the government
. In other
words
the state has Add a comma
words,
lot
of responsibilities for which the authority Change the article
a lot
need
Change the verb form
needs
funds
and giving money
can leads
towards the lack of Wrong verb form
lead
funds
. To cite an example, the legislature has lot
of projects to work on and Add an article
a lot
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
funds
can leave adverse effects and can cause hindderence
in the growth of the country. Correct your spelling
hindrance
Hence
government
should organise events through which the artist as well as
the state can generate the finances.
Fortyfying
Correct your spelling
Fortifying
further
, the
another worth considering point is that it can make the artists indolent which can stop them from doing Remove the article
apply
hardwork
. To justify, if one Correct your spelling
hard work
get
everything thing without doing anything surely can Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
effect
the ability of a person. To illustrate, Correct your spelling
affect
spoon feeding
makes Add a hyphen
spoon-feeding
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
lazy which destroys their true potential. Therefore
, government
should not financially assist Add an article
the government
people
Change preposition
with
arts
.
By the
way Correct article usage
apply
of
conclusion I concur that Change preposition
in
although
,
there are some merits of helping financially Remove the comma
apply
to
the creative Change preposition
apply
art's
Change noun form
art
people
however
, there are more Add the comma(s)
, however
drawback
and Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
government
should invest the Correct article usage
the government
funds
in other major projects for the betterment of the country.Submitted by muskanbaggan.12 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the structure of your argument. While an introduction and conclusion are present, they could be improved by stating the topic more clearly and summarizing your main points more effectively at the end.
task achievement
Support your main points with clear and specific examples. While you have provided examples, they could be more detailed and directly linked to the points you are making to enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Develop a clear and logical structure in your essay. Use transitional phrases to connect your ideas smoothly, and make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is thoroughly developed.
task achievement
While addressing the task, it's necessary to cover all parts of the prompt evenly. You should present both sides of the argument and your own opinion with equal development and support. Aim for a balanced discussion and a clear personal stance, which is currently not sufficiently supported.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.