IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In their advertising business nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative devlopment? write at least 250 words.

#business #emphasise #products #devlopment
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Advertising is a great platform to showcase our products to
customers
Use synonyms
.Nowadays advertising agencies focus more on how new and
advance
Wrong verb form
advanced
show examples
 a product is,rather than emphasizing
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its benefit.I strongly believe it plays a negative role in the development of
business
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a true advertisement
business
Use synonyms
 is one which
emphasize
Change the verb form
emphasizes
show examples
 more on customer needs and
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
 rather than
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
making profits from them.
Use synonyms
customers
Capitalize word
Customers
show examples
 are considered as a God when it comes to
business
Use synonyms
.Advertising firms must focus more on building
customers
Use synonyms
 by providing them
real
Change preposition
with real
show examples
 goods and services.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 the advertising agencies must focus more on the health and benefit aspects of the
customers
Use synonyms
 to establish more brands in future.They must provide what they show.There must not be any conspiracy between agents and their
customers
Use synonyms
. Some people believe that it is not wrong to
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasise
show examples
more on
Rephrase
apply
show examples
how new a product is,regardless of the fact that the product displayed is beneficial or not for the
customers
Use synonyms
.
overall
Linking Words
 growth in the field of the advertisement
business
Use synonyms
 lies solely on customer satisfaction and catering
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 personal needs.
To conclude
Linking Words
,it is mandatory and beneficial to introduce new products in some or the other way,but
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 avoiding the
customer
Change noun form
customer's
show examples
 personal
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 and care regime
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can benefit the advertising company
;
Change the punctuation
,
show examples
but at the cost of
Use synonyms
customers
Fix the agreement mistake
customer
show examples
 safety is a negative development.
Submitted by shaikh.amrin on

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coherence cohesion
The essay shows an attempt at structuring the response, but it lacks a clear and logical progression. Ideas are not well-developed and paragraphs are poorly structured, which confuses the reader and obstructs the flow of information. Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence. Furthermore, it is essential to logically connect these ideas using appropriate cohesive devices.
task achievement
The essay responds to the prompt but fails to fully address all aspects of the task. You have provided an opinion but it is not sustained throughout the essay. Work on clearly stating your opinion in the introduction and ensure that it is reiterated in the conclusion for a complete response. Additionally, you could improve on developing your ideas and providing more relevant, specific examples to support each point. Without specific examples or evidence, the arguments lack persuasiveness and a clear comprehensive discussion of the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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