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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationship that people make? Has this been a positive or negative developments?

#people #technology #relationship #developments
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Technology
 has modified the way of communication among
people
 these days. These changes can be effective or ineffective based on our point of view. I believe that
Technology
 could have positive effects on our lives. There are several ways
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
technology
 could develop our relationships and
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 us to online activities.
To begin
 with, the fast pace of life leads us to benefit from the easiest but quicker ways
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 enhancing our communications.
For example
, since
people
 have a tight schedule, by using emails, video conferences and chat applications they will achieve their goals and keep others up to date about their latest situations.
Also
,
due to
 the availability of fast communication methods, high-speed internet and programs that connect
people
 all over the world, distances have disappeared.
For instance
, in Corona
crises
Fix the agreement mistake
crisis
show examples
, when
people
 were locked down in their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 because of
pandemic
Correct article usage
the pandemic
show examples
 and students were unable to
benefits
Change the verb
benefit
show examples
 from education,
this
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
helped
people
 to work remotely or attend classes online. I maintain that our lives have been affected by the spread use of
technology
 significantly. In the modern world which move forward rapidly, for
people
 who do not have sufficient time to get together,
technology
 can save
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 time, money and energy and gift them online relationships. They can interact their emotions with their family and friends instantly from all around the world.
Also
, it allows
people
 to share their posts and stories about whatever they are interested in with their followers.
Besides
, just by a click, they can make an account
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
such
 as Facebook or Twitter (X) and join
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their desirable groups or pages and benefits from communicating with other
people
. In conclusion,
technology
 has been able to change our lives by offering
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
many possibilities. In my opinion, the positive effects of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 possibilities have surrounded us completely.
Submitted by nouri.nargess on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs have clear central topic sentences that relate directly back to the main question.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing your ideas more fully and providing more comprehensive support for your arguments.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to back up your points and ground your arguments in real-world scenarios for improved relevance.
coherence cohesion
Avoid vague statements and ensure that the conclusion summarizes the main points of the essay effectively and relates back to the question posed.
task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the task adequately, including both positive and negative developments of technological influence on relationships.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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