Some people think that arts (such as painting and music) do not directly improve the quality of people’s life, so the government should spend money on other areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A few people think that the quality of people's life cannot be better directly with arts,
therefore
the
government
should spend financial resources on other fields like medicine, science and technology. I agree
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
that The
government
should pay more attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
other areas than
art
Fix the agreement mistake
arts
show examples
and
craft
Fix the agreement mistake
crafts
show examples
. To
comennce
Correct your spelling
commence
with,
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
much amount of money
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
being spent on
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
so that The
government
can tax their jobs in the future
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
example, Singer can sing songs in order to make money when they
graduataed
Correct your spelling
graduated
graduate
the
Change preposition
from the
show examples
university of
government
.
Submitted by abdulmalikyaqubov2 on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clear and consistent structure to your essay. Your introduction should present the topic and your thesis statement. Subsequent paragraphs should each cover a specific point that supports your opinion, and your essay should end with a clear and summarising conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within it logically follow one another. Use linking words to connect your ideas and sentences, which helps the reader understand the relationship between them.
task achievement
Your essay does not fully address the task. A complete response should discuss why some believe arts do not directly improve the quality of life, and why you agree or disagree with this view. It should also include a wider range of arguments and examples supporting your viewpoint.
task achievement
Explain and develop your ideas fully. Instead of making a generic statement, delve deeper into why spending on certain areas might be more beneficial than funding the arts. Provide clear and relevant examples to illustrate your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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