IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, most of the
parents
Use synonyms
 want to observe the improvement of their
children
Use synonyms
 and they provide many opportunities for their kids. Some people consider the free
time
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 should be educational or effective
whereas
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 other
individual
Change the wording
individuals
show examples
 think about
this
Linking Words
 regard
children
Use synonyms
 can choose the
activities
Use synonyms
 for themselves because
that is
Linking Words
 their leisure
time
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. I strongly agree with
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 idea and I will explain my opinion with some
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the individuals who are
parents
Use synonyms
 aware of all fields of
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 life.
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Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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 they
willing
Add a missing verb
are willing
show examples
 to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 a lot of money for their
juveniles's
Remove the s
juveniles'
show examples
 enhancement and they invest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
such
Linking Words
 as
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 countless educational toys, pay for special
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 or enroll sportive
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
. Families feel responsible for their kids and they organize some
activities
Use synonyms
 for their boy or girl. In the contemporary era, if
parents
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 do not arrange
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free
time
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
,
children
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 can choose technological items
such
Linking Words
 as
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
,
desktop
Fix the agreement mistake
desktops
show examples
 or cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
.
Although
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 advanced technology bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
numerous convenience and
it have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 abundant beneficial content,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 prefer the play online game.
For example
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,
according to
Linking Words
conducted
Correct article usage
a conducted
show examples
 poll
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
 German University, the
children
Use synonyms
 who played online
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 in
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
show examples
time
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
tended to
Add a missing verb
be victim
show examples
victim
Fix the agreement mistake
victims
show examples
 or they had
proned
Correct your spelling
planned
 to commit crimes.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some families think
about
Change preposition
that
show examples
this
Linking Words
 free
time
Use synonyms
,
shold
Correct your spelling
should
 be comfortable, It
is require
Change the verb form
is required
show examples
 for
children
Use synonyms
 because
that is
Linking Words
eseential
Correct your spelling
essential
 for develop to
children
Use synonyms
's mental health and related to other health
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
The pupils
Correct article usage
Pupils
show examples
 who feel under pressure
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
 they can have a lot of psychological problems.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they consider daughters or sons
are
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
a
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 individual and they may
give
Verb problem
make
show examples
 own their decision
also
Linking Words
 our ideas can not equip
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
magical skills
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 all
Use synonyms
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
. In conclusion, there are many different
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
 about
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
kids's free
time
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
parents
Use synonyms
 have
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 impact on their
children
Use synonyms
 and they can make the best decision.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical progression of ideas. Introduction and conclusion are present but not fully developed. Main points are mentioned but not sufficiently supported or exemplified.
task achievement
The response to the task is incomplete. The essay does not fully address the requirement to discuss both views equally and give your opinion. Ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. More relevant and specific examples required to support your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
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