Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, most of the
parents
want to observe the improvement of their children
and they provide many opportunities for their kids. Some people consider the free time
activities
should be educational or effective whereas
other individual
think about Change the wording
individuals
this
regard children
can choose the activities
for themselves because that is
their leisure time
. I strongly agree with first
idea and I will explain my opinion with some Change the article
the first
example
.
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
To begin
with, the individuals who are parents
aware of all fields of child's
life. Correct article usage
a child's
Furthermore
they Add a comma
Furthermore,
willing
to Add a missing verb
are willing
spent
a lot of money for their Wrong verb form
spend
juveniles's
enhancement and they invest Remove the s
juveniles'
to
Change preposition
in
this
such
as buy
countless educational toys, pay for special Wrong verb form
buying
teacher
or enroll sportive Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
activites
. Families feel responsible for their kids and they organize some Correct your spelling
activities
activities
for their boy or girl. In the contemporary era, if parents
do not arrange the
free Correct article usage
apply
time
activities
, children
can choose technological items such
as laptop
, Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
desktop
or cell Fix the agreement mistake
desktops
phone
. Fix the agreement mistake
phones
Although
advanced technology bring the
numerous convenience and Correct article usage
apply
it have
abundant beneficial content, Wrong verb form
has
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
prefer the play online game. For example
, according to
conducted
poll Correct article usage
a conducted
in
Change preposition
at
the a
German University, the Choose an article
the
a
children
who played online game
in Fix the agreement mistake
games
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
time
they
tended to Correct pronoun usage
apply
Add a missing verb
be victim
victim
or they had Fix the agreement mistake
victims
proned
to commit crimes.
Correct your spelling
planned
On the other hand
, some families think about
Change preposition
that
this
free time
, shold
be comfortable, It Correct your spelling
should
is require
for Change the verb form
is required
children
because that is
eseential
for develop to Correct your spelling
essential
children
's mental health and related to other health condition
. Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
The pupils
who feel under pressure Correct article usage
Pupils
in
Change preposition
apply
everytime
they can have a lot of psychological problems. Replace the word
every time
Moreover
, they consider daughters or sons are
Change the verb form
to be
a
individual and they may Correct your spelling
as
give
own their decision Verb problem
make
also
our ideas can not equip the
magical skills Correct article usage
apply
in
all Change preposition
at
time
.
In conclusion, there are many different Fix the agreement mistake
times
view
about Change to a plural noun
views
of
kids's free Change preposition
apply
time
. In my opinion, parents
have significant
impact on their Add an article
a significant
children
and they can make the best decision.Submitted by dytayseozgul on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical progression of ideas. Introduction and conclusion are present but not fully developed. Main points are mentioned but not sufficiently supported or exemplified.
task achievement
The response to the task is incomplete. The essay does not fully address the requirement to discuss both views equally and give your opinion. Ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. More relevant and specific examples required to support your points.