IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

Nowadays many young people are not interested in reading the newspapers and watching new on television. Give reasons for this and proffer solution to this problem.

#people #newspapers #television
The given pie charts depict the changes in
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of energy sources in the period of 10 years in the USA.
Overall
,in both years oil was the main source of energy in spite of the decrease. It is clearly seen that the least source in demand, hydroelectric
power
, had not changed in a decade. In 1980, hydroelectric
power
 and nuclear
power
usages
Fix the agreement mistake
usage
show examples
 were the same, 5
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
.By 1990
usage
 of nuclear
power
 had doubled.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 for 10
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 the
usage
 of hydroelectric
power
 remained at 5 percent. In 1980, natural gas and oil took 26 and 42 percent of
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 chart, respectively. After
decrease
Correct article usage
the decrease
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 numbers stood at 25 and 33 percent,
relatively
Rephrase
respectively
show examples
. The increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 coal
usage
 in a decade was 5
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
.
Submitted by bekzodeshonjonovv on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure by organizing the essay into distinct paragraphs with introductions, body paragraphs, and conclusions. This will make the response easier to follow and understand.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include an introduction that clearly states the topic and a conclusion that summarizes the main points and provides closure to the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support each main point with relevant details and examples. The use of specific figures and percentages from the charts could improve the essay's argumentative strength.
Task Achievement
Fully address the task by providing a complete response to the prompt. Ensure that all parts of the question are answered, and that sufficient details are provided to cover the topic thoroughly.
Task Achievement
Express ideas clearly and comprehensively. Make sure that each paragraph explores a central idea and that sentences within paragraphs are logically connected to each other.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: