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Band 6.5

In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #women #people #income #security #marriage
In recent years, there has been an increase in
females
 who do not regard marriage as a necessary part of their lives anymore.
While
 I agree that financial independence can explain
this
 phenomenon, I consider that
education
also
 plays a key role in it. There is no denying that being able to earn money by themselves makes
women
 more independent. Before, when
females
 didn't have many opportunities to find jobs, many of them would choose to marry males to ensure financial support. In some Asian countries,
females
 were even considered tools to make babies so that the family could be passed down over generations, indicating could not have the right to make their own money. Now, with more jobs available,
women
 have the power to accumulate their fortune,
thus
 they can decide what type of life they want.
In other words
, they don't need to rely on men's financial support anymore. Apart from
such
 an important factor, I think
education
also
 helps
females
 to be more independent. Before
women
also
 had fewer chances to enter school, so they had little knowledge about the world, and men could more easily play the role of guiding or even controlling them. Now
education
 is widespread around the world,
females
 learn about not only abilities but
also
 a wide range of aspects of lifestyles.
Consequently
, they develop higher standards for their life qualities and their potential husbands. If men cannot meet their expectations,
then
 they may rather stay single because that may be the best choice to satisfy themselves. In conclusion, despite the capability to earn money, I consider that
education
 has a huge impact on
women
's decision to be single
instead
 of married because now they have more choices in their own lives.
Submitted by yitsen210134 on

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Task Completeness
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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