The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
It is argued that the
government's
should only focus Change the noun form
governments
government
to invest
in public Change preposition
on investing
services
rather than arts
and cultural sector. I partially agree with Correct article usage
the arts
this
statement as I believe that we should prioritize the
public Correct article usage
apply
services
, but art and culture also
important to Add a missing verb
are also
rise
country Correct your spelling
raise
branding's
.
On the one hand, public Change the noun form
brandings
branding
services
should regularly
updated with the latest technology. Add a missing verb
be regularly
Majority
of the Correct article usage
The majority
people
rely on public services
when it comes to administrative issues. The advancement of the
technology has Correct article usage
apply
changes
Wrong verb form
changed
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
behaviour in accessing information as they prefer to do online Change noun form
people's
services
. The cost of the public services
digitalization is not cheap, the government
should allocate more funds to solve this
issue. For instance
, in Indonesia, the citizens are pleasant
with the upgrade of the passport Replace the word
pleased
registrations
system. In the past, Change the noun form
registration
people
need
to come directly to the Wrong verb form
needed
imigration
office and now they can register from everywhere Correct your spelling
immigration
emigration
by
the Change preposition
on
internet
. Capitalize word
Internet
As a result
, people
become more satisfied with the government
policy.
On the other hand
, the government
also
need to invest in arts, music and theatre because it is part of national identity. In addition
, if government
agree to develop Correct article usage
the government
this
area so
there will be more artists and actors from the nation. As an impact, the other countries might be more familiar with the Rephrase
apply
locals
culture which Change to a genitive case
local's
locals'
beneficial
Add a missing verb
is beneficial
of
the Change preposition
to
country
Change noun form
country's
images
. Fix the agreement mistake
image
For example
, South Korea currently
famous because of the popularity of Add a missing verb
is currently
their
music and drama series which Correct pronoun usage
its
brodcasted
worldwide. The country Wrong verb form
is broadcast
get
benefits from its popularity as Change the verb form
gets
their
economy Correct pronoun usage
its
growth
faster because of the international tourists who Replace the word
grows
interested
in learning the culture directly.
In conclusion, I partially agree that the Add a missing verb
are interested
government
should invest more on
public Change preposition
in
services
. It is important to prioritize public services
because it is a people
fundamental need, but the Change noun form
people's
government
also
need paying
Change the verb form
to pay
anttention
Correct your spelling
attention
into
domestic arts, music, and theatre development to get cultural exposure from Change preposition
to
the
other countries.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by ryanrush16 on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a general response to the prompt, but it lacks depth in exploring the nuanced implications of the government's investment choices. A more elaborate exploration would enhance your score.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay indicates an attempt to create a logical flow; however, sentences and ideas are not always well-connected, leading to a somewhat disjointed reading experience. Utilize cohesive devices more effectively to improve the logical flow.
introduction conclusion present
While the introduction and conclusion are present, they could be more clearly defined and developed, providing a stronger framework for your argument.
supported main points
Your main points are generally supported, but there are opportunities to further strengthen your argument with additional details and more diverse supporting evidence.