The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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It is argued that the
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government's
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governments
government
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should only focus
to invest
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on investing
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in public
services
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rather than
arts
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the arts
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and cultural sector. I partially agree with
this
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statement as I believe that we should prioritize
the
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apply
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public
services
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, but art and culture
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also
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are also
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important to
rise
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raise
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country
branding's
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brandings
branding
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. On the one hand, public
services
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should
regularly
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be regularly
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updated with the latest technology.
Majority
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The majority
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of the
people
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rely on public
services
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when it comes to administrative issues. The advancement of
the
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apply
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technology has
changes
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changed
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the
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apply
show examples
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people
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people's
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behaviour in accessing information as they prefer to do online
services
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. The cost of the public
services
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digitalization is not cheap, the
government
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should allocate more funds to solve
this
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issue.
For instance
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, in Indonesia, the citizens are
pleasant
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pleased
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with the upgrade of the passport
registrations
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registration
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system. In the past,
people
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need
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needed
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to come directly to the
imigration
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immigration
emigration
office and now they can register from everywhere
by
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on
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the
internet
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Internet
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.
As a result
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,
people
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become more satisfied with the
government
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policy.
On the other hand
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, the
government
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also
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need to invest in arts, music and theatre because it is part of national identity.
In addition
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, if
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government
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the government
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agree to develop
this
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area
so
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apply
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there will be more artists and actors from the nation. As an impact, the other countries might be more familiar with the
locals
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local's
locals'
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culture which
beneficial
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is beneficial
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of
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to
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the
country
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country's
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images
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image
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.
For example
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, South Korea
currently
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is currently
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famous because of the popularity of
their
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its
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music and drama series which
brodcasted
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is broadcast
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worldwide. The country
get
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gets
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benefits from its popularity as
their
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its
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economy
growth
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grows
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faster because of the international tourists who
interested
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are interested
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in learning the culture directly. In conclusion, I partially agree that the
government
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should invest more
on
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in
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public
services
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. It is important to prioritize public
services
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because it is a
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people
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people's
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fundamental need, but the
government
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also
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need
paying
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to pay
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anttention
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attention
into
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to
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domestic arts, music, and theatre development to get cultural exposure from
the
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apply
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other countries.
Submitted by ryanrush16 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a general response to the prompt, but it lacks depth in exploring the nuanced implications of the government's investment choices. A more elaborate exploration would enhance your score.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay indicates an attempt to create a logical flow; however, sentences and ideas are not always well-connected, leading to a somewhat disjointed reading experience. Utilize cohesive devices more effectively to improve the logical flow.
introduction conclusion present
While the introduction and conclusion are present, they could be more clearly defined and developed, providing a stronger framework for your argument.
supported main points
Your main points are generally supported, but there are opportunities to further strengthen your argument with additional details and more diverse supporting evidence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • public services
  • economic benefits
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • equitable access
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • prioritize
  • essential services
  • healthcare
  • education
  • tourism
  • global recognition
  • holistic development
  • mutually exclusive
  • philanthropy
  • subsidize
  • infrastructure
  • socio-economic status
  • altruistic
  • civic engagement
  • aesthetics
  • civic pride
  • utilitarian
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