In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their aging members. Do you agree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is improper to let aged
people
Use synonyms
stay in retirement homes
instead
Linking Words
of their families in many societies. I agree with
this
Linking Words
statement.
However
Linking Words
, it still depends on the health condition of the retired
people
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, living at
home
Use synonyms
gives
people
Use synonyms
a sense of safety.
Home
Use synonyms
is the best place to relax and take a rest. There are completely different
that
Change preposition
in
show examples
the relationship between old
people
Use synonyms
and service providers compared to their relationship with their children or grandchildren, even though it is not professional. They would feel more love and
care
Use synonyms
when living with their family. Some argue that the families are busy and lack time to take
care
Use synonyms
of seniors. If
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
members are still in good health, it won’t be a problem.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, if they are unhealthy, they should consider whether to stay at
home
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it’s an uphill battle for seniors to get used to the new environment without their friends, which affects their emotions. Following negative emotions, some research studies show that diseases usually come with depression;
this
Linking Words
would happen if one couldn’t get used to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement homes. Yet it is more convenient to seek nursing
care
Use synonyms
in the
care
Use synonyms
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
;
as a result
Linking Words
, it is a better choice for those whose children lack
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
or usually need medical help.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is to remind them to visit their parents or grandparents frequently. In conclusion, if the seniors are suffering from diseases, living in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
retirement
home
Use synonyms
is acceptable;
otherwise
Linking Words
, it is more appropriate to live in their own
Use synonyms
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
.
Submitted by annlin900116 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This structure is crucial for cohesion and coherence.
content
Develop your main points with specific examples and details to support your arguments better and achieve higher scores in coherence and cohesion.
content
Avoid using vague statements. Provide concrete examples to illustrate your points. This will significantly enhance the essay's task response score.
content
Reflect on both sides of the argument more equally to ensure a balanced discussion and demonstrate a full understanding of the topic, which relates to task achievement.
structure
Work on clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument. This will improve your logical structure score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: