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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for people to take risk, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risk outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risk #lives
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It is true that
risk
Use synonyms
-taking
have
Change the verb form
has
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 a crucial effect on our career and personal life choices.
Although
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,
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apply
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 there are some defects
on
Change preposition
in
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 our health, I strongly believe that
risk
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-taking
have
Change the verb form
has
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 far more pluses
on
Change preposition
in
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 our growth. One of the main drawbacks of taking high-stakes professional
risks
Use synonyms
 is the potential cause of health issues
such
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 as stress and anxiety. The main reason for
this
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 phenomenon is that the body tends to release high amounts of special hormones in
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the risk-taking
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risk-taking
Correct article usage
the risk-taking
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 process, especially if
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the risk
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risk
Correct article usage
the risk
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 is uncalculated and the outcome is uncertain.
Linking Words
This
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These
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 hormones prompt an increase
of
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in
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 the heart rate and blood pressure, persistent elevation of which can cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
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chronic stress and heart problems.
For instance
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,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 significant amount of gamblers, who are constant
risk
Use synonyms
 takers, are having cardio problems
as well as
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 problems with depression.
That is
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 why most of them in the end are becoming broke and live much smaller compared to others, which is making
a lots
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a lot
lots
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 of people believe that it is not worth taking
risks
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 at all.
However
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, if the
risks
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 are
taking
Wrong verb form
taken
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 correctly and are certain it can have major benefits in
learning
Correct article usage
the learning
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 and growth process of the person. Taking
risks
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 often requires a person to step outside of
the
Change the word
their
her
his
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 comfort zone and face new challenges and experiences. To overcome those hurdles person will need to acquire new skills, and push himself to the limit of his abilities, seeing
true
Add an article
the true
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 potential of his abilities. With
this
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 type of
Use synonyms
risks
Fix the agreement mistake
risk
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, people are gaining valuable experiences, fostering professional development
and
Correct word choice
apply
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developing resilience and building confidence in life’s uncertainties which in the future can lead to potential success. Indeed, the majority of successful entrepreneurs took many high stakes
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
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 throughout their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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.
For example
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, Elon Musk
in
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at
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 the start of his career spent most of his
many
Correct your spelling
money
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 on launching SpaceX taking a huge financial
risk
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. In conclusion, despite some negligible downsides of
Use synonyms
risk taking
Add a hyphen
risk-taking
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 on health, I strongly believe that the benefits of
risks
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 on our growth by far exceed
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this downsides
Change the determiner
this downside
these downsides
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.
Thus
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, we shouldn’t fear taking
risks
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 but
instead
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 take more often to foster our development.
Submitted by abdullaevayt on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs are logically structured and ideas flow seamlessly. Use a wider range of cohesive devices for better coherence.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task thoroughly and make sure to support your arguments with relevant examples throughout. Maintain a balance between the advantages and disadvantages to ensure a well-rounded essay.
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