IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance technology which can prevent and solve crime. Do you agree or disagree?

#crime #rate #advance #technology
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In contemporary times, one school of thought holds that the advantage of technology plays a more vital role in the decreasing crime rate than in the past.
While
 I accept that perception is somewhat justified, I believe that there are other factors that equally contribute to
this
 tendency. On the one hand, it is understandable why high technology could be used to prevent and solve. First and foremost, the invention of digital devices could solve criminal investigations. In fact, by using modern equipment, police officers can collect important information
such
 as fingerprints, ADN, and other clues, which could help them to unveil those sins.
Furthermore
, digital innovations could improve the security of neighbourhoods.
This
 is because, safety devices
such
 as cameras, thief warnings, and smart doors, could allow users to access and observe their houses via their phones by distance,
besides
 that these gadgets could act as a barrier to thieves, burglars, or robbers.
On the other hand
, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that various elements result in an elimination of the crime rate. One rationale is the development of education. Because of
this
, numerous students and the young might grow into valuable and decent citizens,
thus
, they are likely to abide by rules and regulations. Another justification is that the efficient management of governing bodies could protect citizens from offenders. To be more specific, an increasingly strict punishment
as well as
 the quality of police officers means fewer criminal intentions, thereby creating a deterrent for lawbreakers. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that technology applications could be in the way of the crime rate, I would contend that other driving factors could have a more significant impact on
this
 trend.
Submitted by khoihoangtrong96 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure a clear position throughout the essay. Although your stance is somewhat clear, making it explicit in both the introduction and conclusion strengthens your argument.
task achievement
Enhance the specificity of your examples. While you provided relevant examples, dive deeper into specific instances or studies that support your argument to make it more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain the logical flow of ideas but consider varying your sentence structures and linking words to improve readability and coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • surveillance cameras
  • advanced security systems
  • potential criminals
  • law enforcement
  • AI (artificial intelligence)
  • big data analytics
  • forensic science
  • public awareness
  • social media
  • online platforms
  • crime prevention
  • crime rates
  • counterargument
  • cybercrime
  • technological misconduct
What to do next:
Look at other essays: