IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an satisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinions

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
It has been majorly believed that unexpected things should be normalized.
Nevertheless
, the others against
this
 idea are reasonably pointing out the fact that as long as there are attempts
of overcoming
Change preposition
to overcome
show examples
 the harsh conditions, fruitful outcomes are likely to follow. Sharing similar opinions, I
also
 support the latter point. To
ones
Fix the agreement mistake
one
show examples
 feeling acceptable about tough situations
such
 as lack of money or a disappointing occupation, they tend to prioritise
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental health
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to their decisions
of remaining
Change preposition
to remain
show examples
 in them other than finding a way out. Supportively,
this
 has been proved by
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 by Japanese psychologists that the participants admitting their rough reality find their lives easier to live on;
whereas
, those who take it too seriously usually suffer from depression in the end.
However
, the objectors of
this
 belief including myself see
this
 reaction
similar
Change preposition
as similar
show examples
 to giving up on their lives metaphorically by not trying any possible way to improve the bad. With that being said, though their lives seem to be less brothering, all the issues do not get away but
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 on
at the end
 of the day.
Therefore
,
trying
Verb problem
apply
show examples
every attempt to get rid of the unfortunate should
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
be aimed at.
Consequently
, seeking extra part-time jobs to make up for the money shortage or
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gaining more beneficial skills to change careers when the current job is way too disappointing are solutions that people can come up with. These journeys will bring
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 brighter future ahead of these people.
For instance
, black American teenagers attending colleges surveyed in 2010 showed 70%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
success in obtaining higher pay jobs than their unemployed fellows who dropped out. In conclusion, regardless of how convenient the act of accepting the difficulties is, there are still believers like me
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 trust better results from attempts made to improve the situations,
while
 there is definitely no hope at all
letting
Change preposition
in letting
show examples
 things be.
Submitted by camcat.viking on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphs including clear main ideas, and use a range of cohesive devices appropriately.
task achievement
Expand your discussion by fully addressing all parts of the task. Make sure that your position is relevant and clear throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
What to do next:
Look at other essays: