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Band 7

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, prefer to take risk and think that change is a positive thing. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #lives #change #risk
In general,
people
 tend to have different outlooks about how
change
 can affect their lives. Some believe it is better to live a safe, somewhat repetitive
life
 with minimal
change
,
while
 others believe creating
change
 in
life
 is a good thing.
While
 I acknowledge that
change
 can cause a lot of stress to
people
, I would argue that creating
change
 and taking risks in
life
 are essential for our growth as humans. Some
people
 feel that making changes in
life
 causes too much stress and could be a destructive force for
people
. Stepping out of our comfort zone commonly involves
such
 things as giving up work to travel or study, moving to live in another city or country, giving up a stable job to start a new business and so on. Taking risks like
this
 can cost
people
 considerable amounts of money, often resulting in debt, and can
also
 put a lot of strain on relationships. These kinds of
life
 changes are indeed stressful and it is understandable that many prefer to avoid them.
However
, I would argue that experiencing
change
 is an essential part of our development as humans and we should actively take risks in
life
 in order to grow. Choosing to leave our current situation for any other situation gives us confidence and develops our ability to deal with the many challenges
life
 throws at us as we walk its path. Giving up work to travel or study, or move to a different place gives us precious
life
 experience which makes us wiser and helps open our minds.Starting a new business develops our creativity and makes us stronger. It is very important to remember that
life
 sometimes throws changes at us whether we welcome them or not, so to create them ourselves gives us more control and helps us to be ready to deal with any hardship.
Hence
, the more we experience
change
, the more we develop into stronger, wiser humans. In conclusion,
while
 it is certain that
change
 can be stressful, it helps us to develop into better
people
, so it is an essential part of our lives and absolutely a positive thing. As the Buddha said ‘Nothing is forever except
change
”.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the body paragraphs could be more effectively balanced with an equal treatment to both perspectives.
coherence cohesion
To achieve greater coherence, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs together more smoothly.
task achievement
Your response should address all parts of the task equally. Ensure both views and your own opinion are fully developed with specific examples.
task achievement
Be cautious not to merge your opinion with the discussion of the two views. Distinctly presenting your view in a separate paragraph often helps with clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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