IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#first #car #british #roads #year #million #vehicles #alternative #forms #transport #laws #control #ownership
Transportation,
in particular
cars
Add the comma(s)
cars,
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
great use to society and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 proved to be beneficial since they were created. There are many alternative methods of mobility that can
also
 be explored and the government should encourage
such
 behavior.
This
 may be more convenient and
this
 essay will focus on the benefits
as well as
 the negatives and give a conclusion.
Although
 cars tend to be the most favoured vehicles of choice, there are many other
such
 methods that are just as enjoyable.
For instance
, trains and buses tend to operate the majority of inner city routes and for
roundabout
Fix the agreement mistake
roundabouts
show examples
 the same price as a car would. Since the introduction of
such
devices
Add a comma
devices,
show examples
 there has been a decline in walking, which has a direct adverse effect on our
health
.
This
 can be proven by the National
Health
 Services statistics that highlight the growing, upward trend in obesity.
Furthermore
, in light of
such
 a crisis, the government should pass laws in terms of the usage of
such
 vehicles. In doing so, not only will the trend of obesity and
health
 issues decline, but
also
 the net carbon emissions that are generated from
Correct article usage
the overusage
show examples
overusage
Correct your spelling
over usage
overuse
 of
such
machinary
Correct your spelling
machinery
.
On the other hand
, with the cost of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
living crisis becoming unbearable for most families, many now have no other option but to commute long distances in order to earn a living.
This
 means that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 many people will
chose
Change the verb form
choose
show examples
 the most viable option they have, which is usually their car.
Additionally
, international rulings should not be sanctioned as these transportation methods have been purchased with that person’s own funds.
Therefore
, they have the right to use
such
 a purchase as they wish. In conclusion, it seems advisable that other avenues of movement should be explored for
health
 benefits
as well as
 environmental ones.
Submitted by abeera2012 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to directly address the essay prompt and clearly state your position on the issue. Your introduction should include a thesis statement that reflects your degree of agreement or disagreement with the statement presented.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully with clear and specific examples supporting your main points. This will help in achieving task response and presenting a well-explained argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that paragraphs transition smoothly from one to the next, and that each paragraph conveys a single clear idea. Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion needs to summarize the points discussed and restate your position clearly. It should mirror the introduction in that your stance is clearly communicated.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • reliance on
  • regulate
  • traffic congestion
  • pollution
  • public health
  • sustainable development
  • alternative forms of transport
  • car ownership
  • balancing benefits and drawbacks
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!