Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

Nowadays, high levels of
sugar
are contained in many foods, especially in manufactured
food
, and the consumption of
such
food
has a negative impact on human health. Some people suggest that consumers should be charged a higher
price
for sugary
products
in order to discourage them from buying them. In my opinion,
this
method is not very practical. It is true that consuming
this
kind of
food
can increase the level of
sugar
in the blood, which may lead to diabetes and blockage in blood vessels.
However
, raising the
price
is not a practical solution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
problem. As
sugar
is contained in many staple foods, like bread and pasta, which are important in many people’s daily diet, increasing the
price
of these
products
will influence the quality of people’s daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
This
is especially true with consumers who are less
well off
Add a hyphen
well-off
show examples
. From my point of view, a better solution would be to enlighten people on the contents of their diet because very often the consumers are not aware of
this
information.
Although
there are content labels on the
products
, not many customers actually spend time reading the information. Even if they do read the labels, they will probably be bewildered by those sophisticated terms.
Therefore
, talks and lectures should be organised to inform people of both the function of the ingredient label and the amount of
sugar
consumed daily. What’s more, it is important to make sure that these lectures are
also
addressed in schools because childhood is a key time to form a healthy eating habit. By doing so, the whole family can
also
benefit when the children pass on the knowledge to their family members.
To sum up
, as far as I am concerned, raising the
price
of sugary
products
is not necessary as it brings about negative impacts. What should be done
instead
is to make the information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
food
composition more understandable.
Submitted by ziba.gharehnazifam on

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task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic that is fully developed with specific examples or explanations.
task achievement
Provide a deeper analysis of the main points including specific examples to enhance the argument and demonstrate the effects of sugary products.
coherence cohesion
Work on having a clear progression throughout the essay with a sequence that makes it easy to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Aim to include a clear introduction and conclusion to frame the essay, creating a strong opening and closing for the argument presented.
coherence cohesion
Utilize cohesive devices effectively to show the relationship between ideas and paragraphs.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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