Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Children are glued to their smartphones these days Which is likely to have detrimental effects.
This
essay investigates this
issue with its positive and negative outcomes.
There are numerous reasons why teenagers utilize their phones for long hours on a daily basis. The main and most significant fator
which attracts them to digital gadgets is the fact that they come from a generation called digital natives. Correct your spelling
factor
In other words
, Being born and grown
up with technology makes Wrong verb form
growing
the
technology Correct article usage
apply
the
integral part of their routine tasks. Correct article usage
an
According to
a
research conducted in Japan, even a two-year-old needs no instruction in order to be able to initiate touching the screens and surf the net. Correct article usage
apply
Furthermore
, as mentioned above, their every day
life and Replace the word
everyday
school
assignments can not be separated from electronic devices. They are obliged to check their school
groups on application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
such
as telegram
to be informed with the latest news about the assigned homework by the teachers.
Add an article
a telegram
This
dependency on the
electronic devices Correct article usage
apply
expects
to bring severely negative consequences. Wrong verb form
is expected
Firstly
, as a result
of inactivity, youngsters suffer from obesity and other health problems. Teenagers who waste their time playing with their phoned
and stay still Replace the word
phones
twenty four
hours are enormously expected to be overweight. Add a hyphen
twenty-four
In addition
, provided that schoolchildren are given phones from the
very early Correct article usage
a
ages
will be less attentive at Fix the agreement mistake
age
school
. They are highly distracted in class and are not able to concentrate on what is taught.
To conclude
, Children are using their phones a lot more than before since they are considered as
digital natives and their routines are combined with Change preposition
apply
the
technology. Correct article usage
apply
This
affects their lives negativley
in a way that they cannot focus at Correct your spelling
negatively
school
and also
because their
passiveness most Change preposition
of their
of
young children suffer from fatness.Change preposition
apply
Submitted by s.hemmati.p on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
CoherenceCohesion
The essay displays a moderate level of coherence, but it could be improved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring paragraphs flow together more seamlessly.
CoherenceCohesion
Main points need to be better supported with specific details and examples. Consider adding real-world instances or case studies to underpin arguments.
TaskAchievement
Your response to the tasks is adequate, yet a more balanced view that elaborates on both positive and negative developments will enhance the quality of your answer. Try to present a more nuanced perspective.
TaskAchievement
Ideas need to be expressed more comprehensively. Aim for clearer articulation of your thoughts and ensure that each point is fully developed before moving to the next.
TaskAchievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Avoid generic statements by providing evidence that directly supports your points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!