Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

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Children are glued to their smartphones these days Which is likely to have detrimental effects.

This

Linking Words

essay investigates

this

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issue with its positive and negative outcomes. There are numerous reasons why teenagers utilize their phones for long hours on a daily basis. The main and most significant

fator

Correct your spelling

factor

which attracts them to digital gadgets is the fact that they come from a generation called digital natives.

In other words

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, Being born and

grown

Wrong verb form

growing

show examples

up with technology makes

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technology

the

Correct article usage

show examples

integral part of their routine tasks.

According to

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Correct article usage

apply

show examples

research conducted in Japan, even a two-year-old needs no instruction in order to be able to initiate touching the screens and surf the net.

Furthermore

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, as mentioned above, their

every day

Replace the word

everyday

show examples

life and

school

Use synonyms

assignments can not be separated from electronic devices. They are obliged to check their

school

Use synonyms

groups on

application

Fix the agreement mistake

applications

show examples

such

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Add an article

a telegram

show examples

to be informed with the latest news about the assigned homework by the teachers.

This

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dependency on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

electronic devices

expects

Wrong verb form

is expected

show examples

to bring severely negative consequences.

Firstly

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as a result

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of inactivity, youngsters suffer from obesity and other health problems. Teenagers who waste their time playing with their

phoned

Replace the word

phones

show examples

and stay still

twenty four

Add a hyphen

twenty-four

show examples

hours are enormously expected to be overweight.

In addition

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, provided that schoolchildren are given phones from

the

Correct article usage

show examples

very early

ages

Fix the agreement mistake

age

show examples

will be less attentive at

school

Use synonyms

. They are highly distracted in class and are not able to concentrate on what is taught.

To conclude

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, Children are using their phones a lot more than before since they are considered

Change preposition

apply

show examples

digital natives and their routines are combined with

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technology.

This

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affects their lives

negativley

Correct your spelling

negatively

in a way that they cannot focus at

school

Use synonyms

and

also

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because

their

Change preposition

of their

show examples

passiveness most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

young children suffer from fatness.

Submitted by s.hemmati.p on Fri Dec 15 2023

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CoherenceCohesion

The essay displays a moderate level of coherence, but it could be improved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring paragraphs flow together more seamlessly.

CoherenceCohesion

Main points need to be better supported with specific details and examples. Consider adding real-world instances or case studies to underpin arguments.

TaskAchievement

Your response to the tasks is adequate, yet a more balanced view that elaborates on both positive and negative developments will enhance the quality of your answer. Try to present a more nuanced perspective.

TaskAchievement

Ideas need to be expressed more comprehensively. Aim for clearer articulation of your thoughts and ensure that each point is fully developed before moving to the next.

TaskAchievement

Include more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Avoid generic statements by providing evidence that directly supports your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

293 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

At the present, the population of some countires includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

some people think that zoos are crual and should be clouse down. others belive that zoos are useful in different ways.discuss both views and give your opinion?

4.How would you use your degree to make a positive impact? 4.How would you use your degree to make a positive impact?

Some people believe that technology has led to many positive developments in their lives, while others think technology is gradually taking over control of the way people live.