IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that governments should pay for people’s education and health care, while others believe that it is not governments’ responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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A school of thought holds that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should spend money in the budget on education and basic health care for
citizens
Use synonyms
,
whereas
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 the alternative stand asserts that it is not necessary. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both viewpoints and give my reasons why I believe solving
this
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 argument
with
Change preposition
in
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 an equal way will be viable. On the one hand, people assert that
governments
Use synonyms
 should cover the cost of education and healthcare.
This
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 is because
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the
citizens
Use synonyms
 have to pay a wide range of taxes in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 so they should be able to use these services for free like
a
Remove the article
apply
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welfare.
Moreover
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, healthy and educated people would provide a healthy and well-educated workforce for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and
this
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 would be beneficial for the development of nations.
For example
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, if people were well-educated, they would find well-paid jobs and commit fewer
crime
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crimes
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.
As a result
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, the
citizens
Use synonyms
 would live in a peaceful and wealthy country.
On the other hand
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, the public believes that it is not the government’s
responsiblities
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to provide healthcare and education free for the
citizens
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.
Firstly
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, the public finances
is
Change the verb form
are
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 limited and it has
a
Correct article usage
apply
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restricted payment for many areas of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society which has passed.
Therefore
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, if
governments
Use synonyms
 had to spend money on these services, it would put a dent in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
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.
Secondly
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, the high authorities
has
Change the verb form
have
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 other
isues
Correct your spelling
issues
 which are
equal
Change the adjective
equally
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 vital to allocate. For
instances
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instance
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, improving infrastructure and national security
also
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need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 so much money to conduct in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 long term. From my perspective, I strongly believe
governments
Use synonyms
 should not pay the full cost and the public has to give a hand
to
Correct pronoun usage
to it
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. Because government has
helped
Verb problem
made
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 these
welfares
Fix the agreement mistake
welfare
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 more accessible, especially for the poor and
also
Linking Words
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
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 the rest of the budget for other fundamental fields. In conclusion, I hold a firm belief it is necessary to use the budget
on
Change preposition
for
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 these services, but the
citizens
Use synonyms
also
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 take responsibility for their own
exoenses
Correct your spelling
expenses
 by paying a part of the cost rather than relying entirely on the
Use synonyms
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical sequence of ideas and paragraphs. The essay shows some attempt at structuring the argument but occasionally fails to maintain a clear progression of ideas. Consider using more clear topic sentences and cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that the introduction fully addresses the task and that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. Both should be clearly identifiable and distinct.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with examples or explanations. The essay includes some general statements, but more specific examples or further elaboration could strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. The essay discusses both views but could be more comprehensive in its approach and provide a more thorough comparison between the two perspectives.
task achievement
Ensure that the ideas are clear and comprehensive. While the essay presents views on the topic, some may need clearer explanation or further development to effectively convey the argument to the reader.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support the claims. This essay would benefit from incorporating more concrete examples to illustrate points better and strengthen the argument.
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