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Band 4.5

Smacking children is the best form of discipline. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#children #form #discipline
Discipline
 plays a vital role in every
individuals
Change to a genitive case
individual's
show examples
 life, but beating
children
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the name of
discipline
 is not a good thing.
However
, some people believe that physical
punishment
 is the best way to make their
child
well mannered
Add a hyphen
well-mannered
show examples
.
This
 essay intends to elaborate on the reasons why I completely disagree with the statement, in upcoming paragraphs.
Parents
 think that smacking infants will help to raise a disciplined human being because
punishment
 gives them
a
Correct article usage
apply
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long lasting
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
show examples
 pain and in order to avoid
punishment
children
 will behave properly.
Moreover
, elder people
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 that if there
will be
Wrong verb form
is
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 no beating or smacking,
children
 will be fearless and
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 do unethical things
such
 as drugs.
For instance
, an article published, in The Hindu newspaper revealed that spoiled
children
 are more likely to get involved in criminal activities.
Thus
, all of these reasons have made
parents
 believe in the power of smacking. On the flip side, beating
children
 for the sake of
discipline
 is completely unacceptable. Young people are very sensitive, so smacking can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their mental health which
further
 leads to depression and anxiety issues. Adding to
this
, the infants will start disliking their
parents
 and there is a possibility that they might run away from their house.
Instead
 of loving their
parents
,
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 will be afraid of them.
For example
, a survey was conducted by Colombian University, USA, in 2021, which showed that the ratio of psychological issues among
children
 is mounting by 11% every year.
Overall
, the idea of punishing
child
Add an article
a child
show examples
 is illogical.
To sum up
, it can be analyzed from the above discussion that
why
Rephrase
apply
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physical
punishment
 is never a good way to raise a
child
. In my opinion,
lesson
Add an article
the lesson
a lesson
show examples
 of
discipline
 should be taught be love and care.
Submitted by bhullarsimran2121 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Introduce the topic effectively, develop your main points fully in the body, and provide a satisfactory conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices and organize paragraphs logically to enhance clarity. Transition words like 'however', 'in addition', 'for example', and varied sentence structures can improve reading flow and coherence.
task achievement
Your essay should fully address the prompt by giving a clear position throughout and supporting it with relevant examples and explanations. Make sure you fully develop your main points with clear examples.
task achievement
Avoid generalizations and make sure all examples are pertinent to the topic. Aim to discuss both sides of the argument if the question asks you to do so, and back up statements with specific evidence or reasoning.

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