IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Although family is a powerful influence on a child's life, it is also influenced from outside the home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people believe that not only family has an influence on a child’s life, but it is
also
Linking Words
 from the outside. From my point of view, I completely agree with the statement because both
also
Linking Words
 have an impact on their youth. First of all, parents play a key role in shaping children’s upbringing.
This
Linking Words
 is because progeny will easily pick up on their parents' activities, terms, and responsibilities. As an opportunity, nurturer can teach their babies about social values
such
Linking Words
 as deportment.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 aids offspring
decide
Add the particle
to decide
show examples
 their personalities and develop an understanding of society and the world around them.
For example
Linking Words
, if mom and dad are always willing to help others, their babies will enhance empathy and compassion.
In contrast
Linking Words
, nonchalant and insensitive
upbringer
Correct your spelling
upbringing
 can have a negative impact on their minors. To illustrate, broken families deprive toddlers of a fully emotional family, resulting in
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
 quality of life or study.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, external factors
such
Linking Words
 as situational or social relationships motivate children in a variety of ways. When teenagers interact with strangers and are put in different situations, it
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
 them
evolve
Wrong verb form
in evolving
show examples
 social skills
such
Linking Words
 as communication and problem-solving abilities. Classmates at school are
also
Linking Words
 encouraged to help seedlings better themselves. Friends with good academic results,
for example
Linking Words
, can lift teenagers' spirits.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, competition among teenagers can assist little ones
develop
Wrong verb form
in developing
show examples
 self-confidence by providing them with opportunities to succeed. They will be proud of themselves and will have innovative ideas to keep working hard. In conclusion, I strongly support the notion that both family and the outside world have an impact on a child's life for the reasons stated above. Parental training and competition among friends can be positive
motivator
Fix the agreement mistake
motivators
show examples
 for children's
overall
Linking Words
 development.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that you present a clear and logical argument throughout your essay. Whilst there is a structure, there appears to be room for improvement in establishing a more cohesive and consistent flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include a more distinct and related introduction and conclusion to encapsulate your essay's stance. An improved focus on this aspect will enhance its readability and effectiveness.
coherence cohesion
Provide clear support for your main points with relevant, detailed, and varied examples to strengthen your argument. Avoid overly general statements that don't amplify your position.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task with sufficient detail. You made an attempt to explain and support your ideas, though further development is necessary to completely meet the requirement of the question.
task achievement
Work on the clarity and development of ideas to make sure they are comprehensive and detailed. A more focused approach in explicating your view will enhance the essay substantially.
task achievement
Employ specific and pertinent examples to substantiate your arguments. While some examples are provided, the development of these examples is required to clearly illustrate the argument and to fully meet the task requirement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • upbringing
  • norms
  • emotional support
  • peer groups
  • social development
  • identity formation
  • intellectual growth
  • value system
  • perceptions
  • worldview
  • cultural assimilation
  • societal expectations
  • extracurricular activities
  • self-esteem
  • negative influences
  • well-rounded
  • external factors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: