IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Univwersities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#univwersities #numbers #students
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The acceptance rate of
students
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 in
an
Change the article
a
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university
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 should be equally taken in each
subject
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. I agree with the statement that accepting
students
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 equally from opposite
genders
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 in each
subject
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 is very important because it motivates the
students
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 to compete
eitherit
Correct your spelling
whether it
 is in academics or sports. The below essay depicts the reasons for the statement.
Firstly
Linking Words
, accepting
students
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 in equal numbers of men and women in each
course
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 helps the
university
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 in encouraging the competing nature between boys and girls.
For instance
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, a recent study in
Correct article usage
the Uk
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Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
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 in
an
Change the article
a
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university
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 shows that encouraging male and female
students
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 in each
course
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 gives a motivation for the
students
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 to read hard and be on top
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. Here, the people
shows
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show
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 efforts
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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in each
course
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 to be on top
while
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 if we only have female
students
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 or male
students
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 in a
course
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 the lecturer would
also
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 be
little
Correct article usage
a little
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 bit demotivated when the
students
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 lack enthusiasm in studying. In academics, it is highly encouraged to have
both
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genders
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 in each
course
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.
Additionally
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, in
an
Change the article
a
show examples
Use synonyms
university
Add a comma
university,
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 there will be a lot of various sectors where the staff of
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university
Add an article
the university
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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only encourages one gender
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such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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as, in a sport named basketball people say it is only played by
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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not
Add the comma(s)
, not
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for
Change preposition
by
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 women in a
university
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. Though
,
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apply
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 any sport can be played by any gender it is good to have some competition between the
genders
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.
For example
Linking Words
, a speech given by a principal from a college named
kakatiya
Correct your spelling
Kakatiya University
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university
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 tells us about the encouragement of women and men should be there either it can be in sports or academics.
Thus
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, I say that it is highly required to have
both
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
genders
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 in each
subject
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. In conclusion, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
universities prefer
both
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
genders
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 in each
subjects
Change to a singular noun
subject
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 rather than a single gender
becaus
Correct your spelling
because
 the
students
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 will learn values and how to respect each other and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
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 will grow.
Thus
Linking Words
, I agree with the statement that having
both
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
genders
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 is very important in each
subject
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 which gives
motivation
Change the article
the motivation
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 to work hard for the
students
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.
Submitted by akitirishika on

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction sets a clear argument responding directly to the task question. You should express whether you agree or disagree and summarize the main points that will be explored in your essay.
task achievement
Develop your main points with specific and relevant examples. Every main point should be supported by detailed evidence or explanations.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more effectively. Make sure there are clear connections between your paragraphs, and your ideas are organized in a logical way that progressively builds your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately. This helps in achieving fluency and coherence. However, avoid overuse and strive for a balance.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your work to avoid grammatical errors and incorrect spellings. These can detract from the clarity of your argument and make the essay difficult to follow.
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