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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Univwersities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#univwersities #numbers #students
The acceptance rate of
students
 in
an
Change the article
a
show examples
university
 should be equally taken in each
subject
. I agree with the statement that accepting
students
 equally from opposite
genders
 in each
subject
 is very important because it motivates the
students
 to compete
eitherit
Correct your spelling
whether it
 is in academics or sports. The below essay depicts the reasons for the statement.
Firstly
, accepting
students
 in equal numbers of men and women in each
course
 helps the
university
 in encouraging the competing nature between boys and girls.
For instance
, a recent study in
Correct article usage
the Uk
show examples
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
 in
an
Change the article
a
show examples
university
 shows that encouraging male and female
students
 in each
course
 gives a motivation for the
students
 to read hard and be on top
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. Here, the people
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 efforts
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
in each
course
 to be on top
while
 if we only have female
students
 or male
students
 in a
course
 the lecturer would
also
 be
little
Correct article usage
a little
show examples
 bit demotivated when the
students
 lack enthusiasm in studying. In academics, it is highly encouraged to have
both
genders
 in each
course
.
Additionally
, in
an
Change the article
a
show examples
university
Add a comma
university,
show examples
 there will be a lot of various sectors where the staff of
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
only encourages one gender
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as, in a sport named basketball people say it is only played by
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 women in a
university
. Though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 any sport can be played by any gender it is good to have some competition between the
genders
.
For example
, a speech given by a principal from a college named
kakatiya
Correct your spelling
Kakatiya University
show examples
university
 tells us about the encouragement of women and men should be there either it can be in sports or academics.
Thus
, I say that it is highly required to have
both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
genders
 in each
subject
. In conclusion, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
universities prefer
both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
genders
 in each
subjects
Change to a singular noun
subject
show examples
 rather than a single gender
becaus
Correct your spelling
because
 the
students
 will learn values and how to respect each other and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
show examples
 will grow.
Thus
, I agree with the statement that having
both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
genders
 is very important in each
subject
 which gives
motivation
Change the article
the motivation
show examples
 to work hard for the
students
.
Submitted by akitirishika on

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction sets a clear argument responding directly to the task question. You should express whether you agree or disagree and summarize the main points that will be explored in your essay.
task achievement
Develop your main points with specific and relevant examples. Every main point should be supported by detailed evidence or explanations.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more effectively. Make sure there are clear connections between your paragraphs, and your ideas are organized in a logical way that progressively builds your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately. This helps in achieving fluency and coherence. However, avoid overuse and strive for a balance.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your work to avoid grammatical errors and incorrect spellings. These can detract from the clarity of your argument and make the essay difficult to follow.

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