IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in the past, many male leaders had led our society to conflicts and violence. The world would be better governed and more peaceful if it were ruled by women. To what extent do you argee or disagree?

#leaders #society #conflicts #violence #world #women #argee
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It is true that men have always been dominating the world of politics. Given the many
was
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ways
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 throughout the history of mankind, many people believe that the world would become a better place for everyone if it were run by women. In
this
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 essay,
however
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, I will challenge
this
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 school of thought. Granted, one might argue that men are generally more aggressive by nature and
therefore
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 they often resort to violence to achieve what they want.
However
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, many male politicians are caring and
restlessly
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restless
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to seek
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in seeking
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 ways to resolve conflicts,
while
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 some female leaders might be determined to seek vengeance or control at the cost of their citizens’ lives.
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, to say that the world would be better governed by female politicians is to ignore the very fact that the ability to run a country lies in leaders’ vision, skills and mindset, to name just a few. These vary much more significantly at an
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individual
invidual
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individual
 level rather than a gender one
Besides
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this
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, war is primarily caused by human greed and differing ideologies. With regard to the former,
this
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 characteristic is not confined to only males, as we
seem
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see
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,
for example
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, in the significant number of
materialisitically
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materialistically
 driven female
warlorder
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warlord
warlords
 over the course of recorded history in Egypt and many other civilizations. Another factor is differences in opinions where one might believe that his or her race is superior to the other or others, leading to genocides. Again,
this
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 has little to do with one’s gender but his or her beliefs. In conclusion, the negative stereotypical view towards male leaders depicting them as violent or aggressive should not be supported.
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 is because war and conflicts often
reuslt
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result
 from one’s greed and differences in ideologies and by no means is the ability to rule a nation found in one’s gender.
Submitted by pnkhanhlove on

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task achievement
Ensure the introduction precisely paraphrases the task statement and clearly states your position. Supported arguments with more concrete examples and data would enhance credibility. Make sure the conclusion summarizes both views if discussed and clearly restates your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should have a clear and logical structure. Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately and avoid overusing them. Paragraphs ought to be thematically organized with clear topic sentences.
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