IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that purchasing imported agricultural products has a positive effect. Others think consuming domestic products is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #products #effect
Technology has flourished by leaps and
bouds
Correct your spelling
bounds
 in multifarious fields, especially
agricultural
Replace the word
agriculture
show examples
, and
as a result
,
food
products
 are imported enormously as compared to the past. Some believe that buying other
countrie's
Change noun form
countries'
show examples
 agricultural
goods
providing
Wrong verb form
provides
show examples
 more benefits,
while
 others opine that
people
 should support their local farmer's
goods
instead
 of
imported
Correct pronoun usage
imported ones
show examples
. I agree with
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 latter opinion and
this
 essay shall discuss it briefly for the following reasons. On the one hand,
people
 should purchase their domestic
food
products
 rather than foreign
goods
 because they should be supported
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 their local farmers unlikely any corporate companies
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to make many profits
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
this
.
For instance
, when the public consumes other
nation's
Change noun form
nations'
show examples
food
 stuffs
while
 price of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agricultural
products
 might
be risen
Wrong verb form
rise
show examples
 tremendously
due to
including
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the imported tax and travel expenses.
In addition
,
this
 trend might
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
continue in
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 many farmers could be lost their employment
along with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agricultural land will be
substitued
Correct your spelling
substituted
 by companies and enterprises, as an consequence, air pollution will be increased and some
pesticites
Correct your spelling
pesticides
 will be
also
 eliminated.
Therefore
, consuming the local farmer's product might
be helped
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 their livelihood development.
On the other hand
, importing
food
products
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 more positive effects to society. Many nations have unlimited resources to cultivate crops and
food
 items but some nations do not have that
while
this
 import system
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 to fulfill their market demands.
For example
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Taiwan is an
itensive
Correct your spelling
intensive
extensive
 island with unlimited resources,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 import many crops to the USA to satisfy their market demands.
Furthermore
, it will help to balance the
food
 supply around the world and every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 can get
food
 equally without any
food
 scarcity.
Therefore
, importing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agricultural
goods
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 positive effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 society.
To conclude
,
although
 importing
food
products
 can satisfy
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
food
item's
Change noun form
needs
show examples
 demand
as well as
 can be
balanced
Wrong verb form
balance
show examples
 the
food
 supply,
food
products price
Fix the agreement mistake
product prices
show examples
 can be increased by the import tax and travel
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 the local agricultural items might
be improved
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 the local
farmer's
Change noun form
farmers'
show examples
livlihood
Correct your spelling
livelihood
.
However
, I agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
people
 should consume their local agricultural
products
 rather than imported
food
 items.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure clear paragraph separation and progression of ideas for logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Include both an introduction and a conclusion to frame your essay, which you have done adequately.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with clear, developed examples, and explain how they relate to the topic.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task to provide a complete response.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are explained clearly and comprehensively for the reader to understand.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points, ensuring they are clearly linked to your main ideas and relevant to the topic.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: