IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many educators believe that international exchange trips are beneficial for students . Do you agree or disagree.

#educators #exchange #trips #students
Studying abroad is given huge
press
Correct your spelling
pressure
show examples
. Nowadays,
due to
 different social and economic problems, young educators have a severe tendency to migrate to other countries. One of the policies that governments and universities have is exchanging pupils with another university's students. A vast majority of people agree that exchanging is a good option and so do I.
Initially
, it is an
unfustifiable
Correct your spelling
unjustifiable
 fact that being isolated does not have beneficial incomes. These days numerous institutes are trying to send local students to international places in order to gain new experiences. Gaining experience is an important factor for youth. They do not have
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 opportunities in their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 to become
expose
Wrong verb form
exposed
show examples
among
Change preposition
to
show examples
diversity
Replace the word
diverse
show examples
 nations and individuals.
However
 they spend a lot of time with their local community,
they
Correct word choice
so they
show examples
 cannot have a beneficial connection with noble scientists and researchers. So exchanging them with another university's pupil could be a good way.
Secondly
, we are living in a world that has myriad accessibilities for people who are
such
 lucky to live in
this
 era. As an example, unlike past decade when individuals had to travel by
horses
Fix the agreement mistake
horse
show examples
 or
cars
Fix the agreement mistake
car
show examples
, these days everyone can just buy a ticket
of
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
 an
airplane
Change the spelling
aeroplane
show examples
 to any destination around the world and reach there easily.
Although
trasferring
Correct your spelling
transferring
 students to another country could be a burden on the
shoulder
Fix the agreement mistake
shoulders
show examples
 of society, it has many positive effects in the future,
specially
Rephrase
especially
show examples
 for developing countries that need local experts and are trying to circumscribe
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation's immigration.
As a result
, despite all
expenses
Correct article usage
the expenses
show examples
this
 process would have for the government, it
Add a missing verb
is worth
show examples
worth
Correct pronoun usage
worth it
show examples
. To sum it up, exchanging human resources has several positive points for nations.
Additionally
, we are living in an easier world in comparison to previous decades. So it is our duty to help offspring to bring new sciences to our country.
Submitted by tg.persian on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you present a clear position throughout the response and fully address all parts of the task. Your essay should always directly respond to the given question and maintain a consistent argument. Provide more specific and directly relevant examples to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, create clear and logical connections between your ideas and paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be well-developed with relevant supporting details. Make better use of cohesive devices to help the reader follow your argument more smoothly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: