These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #move #area #adults #development

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Nowadays, some

people

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prefer to migrate from their

hometown

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where they grew up when they become adults.

Moreover

Linking Words

, they find more comfortable places for their life. In

this

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essay, I will discuss some reasons why some

people

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want to move away from their

hometown

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such

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as find a job and study. Let's begin by looking at the advantages of some

people

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move

Wrong verb form

moving

show examples

to urban

areas

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Firstly

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, some

people

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want to find new jobs because they believe that vacancies in urban

areas

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are easier to find in the city than in their

hometown

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For example

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, the farmer finds

new

Correct article usage

a new

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job because the salary is higher than they who are only selling paddy in their village

want

Correct word choice

and want

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to change their life.

However

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, facilities in urban

areas

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are more complete than their

hometown

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For instance

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, the hospital amenities in the village have little hospital equipment

such

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as ambulance

car

Fix the agreement mistake

cars

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and doctor quality.

In addition

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, the public transport amenities in villages are more limited than in urban area which has an abundance of transportation. Turning to the other side of the argument, the inhabitants in urban

areas

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can

Add a missing verb

be more

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crowded because all

people

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migrate to productive cities.

Consequently

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, gas emissions in city

areas

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can rapidly increase and the safety decrease.

Firstly

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, transportation has increased and

make

Verb problem

caused

show examples

more pollution.

For instance

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, some

people

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prefer to use their vehicle because they want to save more money which

makes

Verb problem

causes

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traffic and pollution

which are

Verb problem

show examples

impact their bodies.

Secondly

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, job vacancies are more limited because inhabitants are

also

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growing which is impacted by migration to urban

areas

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To conclude

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, some

people

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prefer to migrate because they want to enjoy their life and find a comfortable place in urban

areas

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Consequently

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, air pollution and safety can impact our bodies.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Sat Dec 16 2023

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Coherence & Cohesion

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Coherence & Cohesion

Make sure your introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the topic and your stance. This helps in guiding the reader through your argument and understanding your final standpoint.

Coherence & Cohesion

Strengthen your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. This helps in making your argument more convincing and your essay more engaging.

Task Achievement

Ensure you fully address the task by discussing both sides of the argument and making a clear judgment about whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This improves the completeness of your response.

Task Achievement

Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to articulate your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. This helps in effectively conveying your message and demonstrating your language ability.

Task Achievement

Include more relevant and specific examples to support your claims. This makes your argument stronger and your essay more informative and persuasive.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

290 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

metropolitan
migration
globalization
socio-economic factors
traditional norms
cosmopolitan environment
brain drain
assimilation
gentrification
alienation
multiculturalism
infrastructure strain

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These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

In the future, the main reason for going to shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try cooporate more rather that competing against each other. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say it is important to keep your home and work place tidy with everything organized and in the correct places. What is your opinion about it?