These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, some
people
prefer to migrate from their hometown
where they grew up when they become adults. Moreover
, they find more comfortable places for their life. In this
essay, I will discuss some reasons why some people
want to move away from their hometown
such
as find a job and study.
Let's begin by looking at the advantages of some people
move
to urban Wrong verb form
moving
areas
. Firstly
, some people
want to find new jobs because they believe that vacancies in urban areas
are easier to find in the city than in their hometown
. For example
, the farmer finds new
job because the salary is higher than they who are only selling paddy in their village Correct article usage
a new
want
to change their life. Correct word choice
and want
However
, facilities in urban areas
are more complete than their hometown
. For instance
, the hospital amenities in the village have little hospital equipment such
as ambulance car
and doctor quality. Fix the agreement mistake
cars
In addition
, the public transport amenities in villages are more limited than in urban area which has an abundance of transportation.
Turning to the other side of the argument, the inhabitants in urban areas
can more
crowded because all Add a missing verb
be more
people
migrate to productive cities. Consequently
, gas emissions in city areas
can rapidly increase and the safety decrease. Firstly
, transportation has increased and make
more pollution. Verb problem
caused
For instance
, some people
prefer to use their vehicle because they want to save more money which makes
traffic and pollution Verb problem
causes
which are
impact their bodies. Verb problem
to
Secondly
, job vacancies are more limited because inhabitants are also
growing which is impacted by migration to urban areas
.
To conclude
, some people
prefer to migrate because they want to enjoy their life and find a comfortable place in urban areas
. Consequently
, air pollution and safety can impact our bodies.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve your score, ensure your essay has a clear, logical structure. Organize your ideas clearly into paragraphs, each with a single main idea supported by examples or explanations.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the topic and your stance. This helps in guiding the reader through your argument and understanding your final standpoint.
Coherence & Cohesion
Strengthen your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. This helps in making your argument more convincing and your essay more engaging.
Task Achievement
Ensure you fully address the task by discussing both sides of the argument and making a clear judgment about whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This improves the completeness of your response.
Task Achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to articulate your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. This helps in effectively conveying your message and demonstrating your language ability.
Task Achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your claims. This makes your argument stronger and your essay more informative and persuasive.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!