These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, some
people
prefer to migrate from their
hometown
where they grew up when they become adults.
Moreover
, they find more comfortable places for their life. In
this
essay, I will discuss some reasons why some
people
want to move away from their
hometown
such
as find a job and study. Let's begin by looking at the advantages of some
people
move
Wrong verb form
moving
show examples
to urban
areas
.
Firstly
, some
people
want to find new jobs because they believe that vacancies in urban
areas
are easier to find in the city than in their
hometown
.
For example
, the farmer finds
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
job because the salary is higher than they who are only selling paddy in their village
want
Correct word choice
and want
show examples
to change their life.
However
, facilities in urban
areas
are more complete than their
hometown
.
For instance
, the hospital amenities in the village have little hospital equipment
such
as ambulance
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
and doctor quality.
In addition
, the public transport amenities in villages are more limited than in urban area which has an abundance of transportation. Turning to the other side of the argument, the inhabitants in urban
areas
can
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
crowded because all
people
migrate to productive cities.
Consequently
, gas emissions in city
areas
can rapidly increase and the safety decrease.
Firstly
, transportation has increased and
make
Verb problem
caused
show examples
more pollution.
For instance
, some
people
prefer to use their vehicle because they want to save more money which
makes
Verb problem
causes
show examples
traffic and pollution
which are
Verb problem
to
show examples
impact their bodies.
Secondly
, job vacancies are more limited because inhabitants are
also
growing which is impacted by migration to urban
areas
.
To conclude
, some
people
prefer to migrate because they want to enjoy their life and find a comfortable place in urban
areas
.
Consequently
, air pollution and safety can impact our bodies.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Coherence & Cohesion
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Coherence & Cohesion
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Coherence & Cohesion
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Task Achievement
Ensure you fully address the task by discussing both sides of the argument and making a clear judgment about whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This improves the completeness of your response.
Task Achievement
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Task Achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your claims. This makes your argument stronger and your essay more informative and persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • metropolitan
  • migration
  • globalization
  • socio-economic factors
  • traditional norms
  • cosmopolitan environment
  • brain drain
  • assimilation
  • gentrification
  • alienation
  • multiculturalism
  • infrastructure strain
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