These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, some

people

Use synonyms

prefer to migrate from their

hometown

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where they grew up when they become adults.

Moreover

Linking Words

, they find more comfortable places for their life. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will discuss some reasons why some

people

Use synonyms

want to move away from their

hometown

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as find a job and study. Let's begin by looking at the advantages of some

people

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move

Wrong verb form

moving

show examples

to urban

areas

Use synonyms

Firstly

Linking Words

, some

people

Use synonyms

want to find new jobs because they believe that vacancies in urban

areas

Use synonyms

are easier to find in the city than in their

hometown

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, the farmer finds

new

Correct article usage

a new

show examples

job because the salary is higher than they who are only selling paddy in their village

want

Correct word choice

and want

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to change their life.

However

Linking Words

, facilities in urban

areas

Use synonyms

are more complete than their

hometown

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For instance

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, the hospital amenities in the village have little hospital equipment

such

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as ambulance

car

Fix the agreement mistake

cars

show examples

and doctor quality.

In addition

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, the public transport amenities in villages are more limited than in urban area which has an abundance of transportation. Turning to the other side of the argument, the inhabitants in urban

areas

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can

Add a missing verb

be more

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crowded because all

people

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migrate to productive cities.

Consequently

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, gas emissions in city

areas

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can rapidly increase and the safety decrease.

Firstly

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, transportation has increased and

make

Verb problem

caused

show examples

more pollution.

For instance

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, some

people

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prefer to use their vehicle because they want to save more money which

makes

Verb problem

causes

show examples

traffic and pollution

which are

Verb problem

show examples

impact their bodies.

Secondly

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, job vacancies are more limited because inhabitants are

also

Linking Words

growing which is impacted by migration to urban

areas

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To conclude

Linking Words

, some

people

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prefer to migrate because they want to enjoy their life and find a comfortable place in urban

areas

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Consequently

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, air pollution and safety can impact our bodies.

ru.kabiru.biruSat Dec 16 2023

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Coherence & Cohesion

To improve your score, ensure your essay has a clear, logical structure. Organize your ideas clearly into paragraphs, each with a single main idea supported by examples or explanations.

Coherence & Cohesion

Make sure your introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the topic and your stance. This helps in guiding the reader through your argument and understanding your final standpoint.

Coherence & Cohesion

Strengthen your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. This helps in making your argument more convincing and your essay more engaging.

Task Achievement

Ensure you fully address the task by discussing both sides of the argument and making a clear judgment about whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This improves the completeness of your response.

Task Achievement

Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to articulate your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. This helps in effectively conveying your message and demonstrating your language ability.

Task Achievement

Include more relevant and specific examples to support your claims. This makes your argument stronger and your essay more informative and persuasive.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

290 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

metropolitan
migration
globalization
socio-economic factors
traditional norms
cosmopolitan environment
brain drain
assimilation
gentrification
alienation
multiculturalism
infrastructure strain

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These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Public transportation is a great way to travel, particularly within a metropolis. The metro is the most convenient way to get around a city. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To whtat extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced?