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Band 5

Some people believe that in order to give opportunities to new generation companies should encourage high level employess who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree? Why.

#people #opportunities #generation #companies #level #employess
Many people state that
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 generation must be given
opprtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to be employed in the
company
instead
 of older workers. On the one hand, it would be extremely unfair to
higher
Replace the word
highly
show examples
 experienced employees if they were encouraged to retire in spite of their will.
On the other hand
, it would be frustrating if
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
 generation did not have a chance to work in a
company
 as well. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss both sides and give my opinion in the end. To start with, even though it can turn out to be beneficial to hire juveniles for a
company
, anyway,
older
Add an article
the older
show examples
 generation has got more experience in working in a certain area or field.
For example
, they have cooperated with a lot more individuals, perfected and gained more skills, educated and interacted with their coworkers, and so on. In fact, most of the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
such
 workers are much more valuable because they bring much more profit to the
company
, compared to beginners, and, I think, it would not be sensible to retire seniors unless they wish to.
From
Change preposition
On
show examples
 another side, some individuals believe that, if people who only start working are not given any chance to do so,
then
 it would not be fair to them and it is going to be challenging
enoung
Correct your spelling
enough
 to find a place to work.
For example
, the youth must be offered
taking on
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a job,
as well as
, they might be even better workers than the elderly because they have fresh brains
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc.
Nevertheless
Add a comma
Nevertheless,
show examples
 it is not open-minded to make judgements about
lanourers
Correct your spelling
labourers
 based on their age only.
To conclude
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, as I have mentioned before, it is not reasonable to judge
skills
Correct article usage
the skills
show examples
 and professionalism of a person
according to
such
 factors as age.
However
, I believe that it is a better decision to let the elderly continue pursuing their careers and not make them leave a post without their desire.
Submitted by valeriy.khan1985 on

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coherence cohesion
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Address all parts of the task and maintain a clear position throughout the response.
task achievement
Expand on the ideas presented with specific, detailed examples to enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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