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There are many extinct animal species in the world. Some people think we should protect animals from dying out, while others believe we should spend more time on problems of human beings. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#species #world #people #animals #time #beings
In contemporary society, the rate of extinction of animal and plant
species
 has consistently been a topic of interest among the masses. Some individuals champion the notion that protecting endangered animals is now more important than any other point,
while
 a significant number of others posit that we should put human activities'
problems
 first.
Although
 I do acknowledge that both side have their merits, I lean more towards the former. It is important to protect animal and plant
species
 from dying out
due to
 human activities as their loss means that the genetic history of that
species
 will be lost
along with
 the opportunity to study and understand the world better.
In addition
, the world would be a far less interesting and beautiful place without the many
now endangered
Add a hyphen
now-endangered
show examples
species
such
 as giant pandas, tigers and polar bears. Of often greater concern is that the loss of
species
 creates the risk of creating an ecological environment
that is
 unstable, with a small number of
species
 dominating the planet as they become free from predators leading to an environment that lacks genetic diversity and becomes vulnerable to diseases or natural disasters. What is more, the lack of diversity could slow the recovery from disasters.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are many other human
problems
 in the world
need
Correct pronoun usage
that need
show examples
 to be solved including, poverty, political instability, war and pollution, people should not ignore environmental issues. It is possible for societies to attempt to address many
problems
 simultaneously and all issues that threaten the long-term stability of the planet should be addressed urgently. In conclusion, subsequent to an extensive and discerning appraisal of myriad aspects inherent to these perspectives, my allegiance that the diversity of the plant is critical for human survival and should be dealt with
along with
 many other important
problems
 is steadfastly consolidated and remains incontrovertibly firm.
Submitted by jasmine2001tw on

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Coherence and Cohesion
You need to ensure that paragraphs are well-structured and ideas flow logically from one to the other. Use a range of cohesive devices and topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to make your argument more structured.
Task Achievement
Although your essay addresses the task, more depth is required in the development of each point. Make sure to fully extend and support your ideas with specific examples or further explanation to fully satisfy the task requirement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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