IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays managers and team leaders in different organizations are much younger compared to the past. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

7.0 / 9
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Introduction
There is a rapid correction among all kinds of organisations, the new employment pyramid of any organization are not anymore managed with the employer experience, it's mainly managed with smaller individuals , who have more
abilities
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 and better majors. From my perspective ,I largely agree with the new changes in the global organisation forming , young and smart leaders shift the lives of their public positively.In
this
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 essay , I will mainly discuss the main reasons why I prefer young managers.
Body paragraph 1
BODY PARAGRAPH 1
Body paragraph 2
To begin
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 with ,we are in a very rapid time , and everything around us goes fast. In
this
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 situation, we must change our strategy from the comfort zone, where elders don't aim to develop the young ones who are gold miners ready to build a better nation.
Moreover
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, youths know there present very well ,especially when he has the features of a leader .
However
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,young colleagues can develop their communities in all types of spheres and rise-up there nations'
abilities
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, the start of education and medical facilities, and defence
abilities
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 .
For example
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, many countries around the world consider the population of youths as a power point and provide free scholarships overseas to educate their next generation.
Body paragraph 3
BODY PARAGRAPH 2
Body paragraph 4
Furthermore
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, giving the chance for the youths to lead carries a lot of pirivileges outweigh the drawbacks . Young graduates have a fresh mindset that leads to producing more creativity than older employees.
In addition
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, young individuals have their own visions and way of management
that is
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 based on the beneficial data that they received in the university , plus their own creativity.Brainstorming and searching
abilities
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 provide the community with an advanced leader that know what he is dealing with.
For instance
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, Dubai , before development, was an abandoned city until a young group of citizens appeared to work as a team in the very long-term to achieve their goals .
As a result
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 , a dream city for any person who aims to live an urban life.
Body paragraph 5
CONCLUSION
Conclusion
To conclude
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, I firmly believe in the beneficial outcomes that young leaders can provide for their communities.
Therefore
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, we as societies must give them a chance to approve of us ,as the people of Dubai did

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Give clear reasons why young people become leaders, such as new skills, tech skills, and fast work. Then say if this change is good or bad, and also explain one bad side before you give your view.
task response
Keep each main idea close to the topic of managers at work. Ideas about a nation, schools, health care, and defence are too wide and do not always show why young managers are chosen.
task response
Make your examples more clear and real. The Dubai example does not show that young managers led companies. Use a work example, such as a young manager using new tech to help a team work faster.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. However, the first body part mixes many ideas. Give one main idea in each paragraph, explain it, and then add one example.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to show the order of your ideas: First, Also, However, For example, and Therefore. Do not join too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same key words in a clear way. Write “young managers” or “young leaders” instead of changing to “youths”, “young ones”, and “smaller individuals”.
coherence and cohesion
Write a more direct opening. State the two reasons you will discuss and your view. In the end, sum up the reasons and repeat your view in one or two clear sentences.
task response
You give a clear positive view of young leaders and try to support it with reasons such as fresh ideas, new skills, and new ways of work.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses a basic essay form with an opening, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Link words such as “To begin with”, “Furthermore”, and “To conclude” help the reader follow the main order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advanced education
  • Early career development
  • Technological advancements
  • Digital revolution
  • Organizational structures
  • Innovation
  • Creativity
  • Adaptability
  • Productivity
  • Competitive
  • Global markets
  • Multicultural team dynamics
  • Generational differences
  • Suboptimal decision-making
  • Rapid promotion
  • Traditional managerial skills
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