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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays managers and team leaders in different organizations are much younger compared to the past. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
There is a rapid
change
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 among all kinds of
organizations
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organisations
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, the new employment pyramid of any organization are not anymore managed with the employer experience,
its
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it's
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 mainly managed with smaller individuals , who have more
abilities
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 and better majors. From my perspective ,I largely agree with the new changes in the global
organization
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organisation
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 forming , young and smart leaders
change
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 the
life
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lives
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 of their public positively.In
this
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 essay , I will mainly discuss the main reasons why I prefer young managers.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with ,we are in a very rapid time
everything
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, and everything
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 around us
go
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goes
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 fast. In
this
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situation
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situation,
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 we must
change
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 our strategy from the comfort zone,
were
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where
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 elders don't aim to develop
to
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the
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 young ones who are gold
minners
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miners
 ready to build a better nation.
Moreover
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, youths know there present very well ,especially when he has the features of a leader .
However
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,young colleagues can
change
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 their communities in all
type
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types
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 of spheres and rise-up there
nations
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nations'
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abilities
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, start of education and medical facilities to
defense
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defence
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abilities
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 .
For example
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, many countries around the world consider the population of youths as a power point and provide free scholarships overseas to educate their next generation.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, giving the chance for the youths to lead
,
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apply
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 carries a lot of pirivileges outweigh the drawbacks . Young
graduated students
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graduates
 have a fresh mindset that
led
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leads
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 to
produce
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producing
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 more creativity than the elderly employers .
In addition
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, young individuals have their own visions and way of management
that is
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 based on
their
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the
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 beneficial data that they received in the university
plus
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, plus
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there
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their
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 own creativity.Brainstorming and searching
abilities
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 provide the community
an
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with an
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 advanced leader that know what he is dealing with.
For instance
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, Dubai , before development, was an abandoned city until a young group of citizens
appered
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appeared
 to work as a team in
a
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the
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 very long-term to achieve their goals .
As a result
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 , a dream city for any person who aims to live an urban life.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, I firmly believe in the beneficial outcomes that young leaders can provide for their communities.
Therefore
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, we as societies must give them a chance to approve of us ,as the people of Dubai did .

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Give clear reasons why young people become leaders, such as new skills, fast work with technology, and lower cost for firms. Then give a full view of why this change is good, while also noting one possible bad point.
task response
Keep the focus on managers and team leaders in organizations. Some ideas about nations, defense, and whole communities move away from the main task.
task response
Develop each main idea with a simple chain: point, why it happens, and an example. For example, young staff may know new tools well, so they can help a company work faster.
task response
Use examples that are clear and closely linked to work places. The Dubai example is too broad and does not clearly show why young managers lead organizations.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction, reasons, positive and negative sides, then conclusion. This will make it easy for the reader to follow your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Make one main point in each body part. The first body part mixes speed of life, older people, young people, schools, health, and defense. Cut ideas that do not support the main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as 'To begin with', 'Moreover', and 'For example' are helpful, but the sentence after each one must directly follow the idea before it.
coherence and cohesion
Write shorter, clearer sentences. For example, instead of a long sentence about young people and many parts of a nation, state one idea at a time.
task response
You give a clear overall view that younger leaders can bring good change.
task response
You try to support your ideas with examples, including training for young people and the case of Dubai.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful signposts, such as 'To begin with', 'Furthermore', and 'To conclude'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advanced education
  • Early career development
  • Technological advancements
  • Digital revolution
  • Organizational structures
  • Innovation
  • Creativity
  • Adaptability
  • Productivity
  • Competitive
  • Global markets
  • Multicultural team dynamics
  • Generational differences
  • Suboptimal decision-making
  • Rapid promotion
  • Traditional managerial skills
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