Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness.Do you think people can be happy without much money?What other factors contribute toward happiness.
It is believed that
money
plays a vital role in happiness. This
feeling can also
stems
from some other factors.Change the verb form
stem
However
,I completely agree with the former argument.
On the one hand ,money
is the key stone
of happiness feeling.Correct your spelling
keystone
That is
,having enough money
, people can benefit from a higher standard of living.Take utelising
more recreational facilities, which can lift individuals's Correct your spelling
utilising
spirit
,as an example.In doing so,people can Fix the agreement mistake
spirits
retrite
from the overload of the modern Correct your spelling
retire
rewrite
life style
and have Correct your spelling
lifestyle
a
better mental Remove the article
apply
health
,which can generally have a positive effect on their life and their productivity at work.
On the other hand
,some other elements can help bodies
feel happy.Fix the agreement mistake
the body
Such
as,
Remove the comma
apply
health
,a good relationship,and having children.For example
,some people when find
themselves healthy they feel they are wealthy and they are happy,and they might be of the opinion that there is no point in the other aspects of life like Change the verb form
finding
money
.To put it differently,the more they enjoy a
physical and mental Remove the article
apply
health
,the happier they are and may ignore other meanings of this
feeling ,consequently
they palce
a high value on their Correct your spelling
place
health
.
In conclusion,although
except
Change preposition
besides
money
some other factors can contribute to the felling
Correct your spelling
feeling
of
happy, I strongly believe Change preposition
apply
thet
, financial security can influence all aspects of our lives and adds many benefits to everyone' lives for Correct your spelling
that
instanse
,enjoying more Correct your spelling
instance
from
our lives.Change preposition
of
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task achievement
The essay provides an opinion as required, but there are some irrelevant statements and lack of development in key ideas which could be expanded for improved clarity. Aim to address the task with focused and well-elaborated points.
coherence cohesion
The flow of ideas from one paragraph to the other is somewhat abrupt, negatively affecting the essay's readability. Improve the use of cohesive devices and ensure that paragraphs logically follow one another for a more seamless reading experience.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, they require clearer restatements of the main argument and clearer summaries of the supporting arguments, respectively. Make sure to restate your opinion and summarize your main reasons in the conclusion effectively.
coherence cohesion
Supporting points are present, but they lack sufficient development and the use of specific examples to fully convey the argument. Include more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your claims and make your argument more persuasive.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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