Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness.Do you think people can be happy without much money?What other factors contribute toward happiness.

#people #money #factors #happiness

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It is believed that

money

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plays a vital role in happiness.

This

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feeling can

also

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stems

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stem

show examples

from some other factors.

However

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,I completely agree with the former argument. On the one hand ,

money

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is the

key stone

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keystone

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of happiness feeling.

That is

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,having enough

money

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, people can benefit from a higher standard of living.Take

utelising

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utilising

more recreational facilities, which can lift individuals's

spirit

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spirits

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,as an example.In doing so,people can

retrite

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retire

rewrite

from the overload of the modern

life style

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lifestyle

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and have

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apply

show examples

better mental

health

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,which can generally have a positive effect on their life and their productivity at work.

On the other hand

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,some other elements can help

bodies

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the body

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feel happy.

Such

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apply

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health

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,a good relationship,and having children.

For example

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,some people when

find

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finding

show examples

themselves healthy they feel they are wealthy and they are happy,and they might be of the opinion that there is no point in the other aspects of life like

money

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.To put it differently,the more they enjoy

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apply

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physical and mental

health

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,the happier they are and may ignore other meanings of

this

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feeling ,

consequently

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they

palce

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place

a high value on their

health

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. In conclusion,

although

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except

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besides

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money

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some other factors can contribute to the

felling

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feeling

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apply

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happy, I strongly believe

thet

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that

, financial security can influence all aspects of our lives and adds many benefits to everyone' lives for

instanse

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instance

,enjoying more

from

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show examples

our lives.

Submitted by zahra.hmt88 on Sat Dec 16 2023

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task achievement

The essay provides an opinion as required, but there are some irrelevant statements and lack of development in key ideas which could be expanded for improved clarity. Aim to address the task with focused and well-elaborated points.

coherence cohesion

The flow of ideas from one paragraph to the other is somewhat abrupt, negatively affecting the essay's readability. Improve the use of cohesive devices and ensure that paragraphs logically follow one another for a more seamless reading experience.

coherence cohesion

While the introduction and conclusion are present, they require clearer restatements of the main argument and clearer summaries of the supporting arguments, respectively. Make sure to restate your opinion and summarize your main reasons in the conclusion effectively.

coherence cohesion

Supporting points are present, but they lack sufficient development and the use of specific examples to fully convey the argument. Include more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your claims and make your argument more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

215 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Promoting happiness
Essential factors
Financial stability
Material wealth
Personal fulfillment
Contentment
Basic needs
Maslow's hierarchy of needs
Social connections
Pursuing passions
Well-being
Mental health
Spiritual practices
Personal growth
Community service
Societal contribution
Philanthropy
Joy
Satisfaction
Prosperity

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Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness.Do you think people can be happy without much money?What other factors contribute toward happiness.

Fully explain your ideas

Some people believe that mobile phone conversations should be banned in crowded and social places, while others argue it is okay to be allowed.

In some cities, public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problems is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this situation?

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?