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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#visitors #three #areas #european #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line chart illustrates the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 in three categories of places in Europe
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1987 to 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, mostly total of tourists
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased over the
period
Use synonyms
 given; and
at the end
Linking Words
, the highest can be seen on the coast,
conversely
Linking Words
 to the mountains that
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 the lowest, In the beginning,
quantity
Add an article
the quantity
a quantity
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 of people who visited the coastal beach was high compared to the other site categories at 40,000;
however
Linking Words
, in 1992, it gradually declined
about
Change preposition
to about
show examples
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
350,000
visitors
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 significantly increased until
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 750.000 in the
last
Linking Words
period
Use synonyms
 shown.
Comparing
Wrong verb form
Compared
show examples
 to the lowest
Use synonyms
visitors
Correct quantifier usage
number of visitors
show examples
 in the first
period
Use synonyms
 given, the lakes had had
visitors
Use synonyms
 just
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10,000, but significantly rose and reached the peak
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 70,000
tourist
Change to a plural noun
tourists
show examples
 in 2002.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it fell down dramatically
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 50,000 in 2007. On the other side, the mountains
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 visited by 20,000 people during 1987.
Besides
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 areas had
Correct article usage
a gradually
show examples
gradually
Change the word
gradual
show examples
 number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 over the
period
Use synonyms
 given and rose slowly until around 350,000
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tourists in 2007.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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