IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives.

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It has been widely claimed that the most crucial
purpose
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 of
science
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 should be an improvement for the living of
people
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.
While
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 it is argued by some that there is
possibility
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the possibility
a possibility
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 that other
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purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
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 could be more important.
This
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 essay discusses
with
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apply
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the perspectives
why
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on why
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 I agree that
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of
people
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’s
live
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lives
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 is the most important goal for
science
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. To
being
Verb problem
begin
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 with, it seems reasonable to believe that
science
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 become one of the most important factors
that
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is
Change the verb form
are
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Correct article usage
the method
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method
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methods
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 for
medical
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a medical
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experiment
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experiments
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. In
the
Correct determiner usage
this
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 case, it could be harmful for society if the
purpose
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 of the
researching
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research
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 is not
focusing
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to focus
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 on an improvement
for
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in
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Use synonyms
people ‘
Change noun form
people's
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lives.
For example
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, the medicine could not be enough good quality because the manufacturing company uses
science
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 to reduce cost of the production to respond
the
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to the
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purpose
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for
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of
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 reaching more profit.
For
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From
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this
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 perspective, it could
make
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have
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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negative effects
for
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on
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people
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 who have
a
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apply
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serious health
condition
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conditions
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 when
science
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 is used for
the
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apply
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misconduct.
Moreover
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, it could be a significant point to debate that the price of basic goods or services for
standard
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the standard
a standard
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 of living will be extremely too expensive to afford in case
that
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apply
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the priority of aim of
science
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 is
commercial
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a commercial
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purpose
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. To clarify the argument, it could be seen that our routine daily life is involved with
product
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products
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 resulting from
innovation
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the innovation
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 of
science
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 in some way
such
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 as electronic vehicles and smartphones.
As a consequence
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,
this
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 could cause
difficult
Correct article usage
a difficult
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 situation for
people
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 who receive minimum wages because the price is too high to afford those products. In conclusion, I am the option believing that the most crucial goal of
science
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 should be focusing on
development
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the development
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 of
people
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 because it is able to cause negative outcomes for society in case of targeting
on
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apply
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other purposes
such
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 as profitable growth and only conducting business.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure the logical flow of ideas by organizing paragraphs clearly and using a range of cohesive devices. The essay should have a natural progression from introduction, through main body paragraphs, to a conclusion, with each paragraph focused on a single main idea.
Task Achievement
It is crucial to directly and fully address the prompts given in the task. Make sure that each body paragraph has a clear topic sentence directly related to the task and that it is elaborated with relevant details and examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be clearer. The introduction should clearly respond to the task and state what the essay will discuss. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your position without introducing new information.
Language Accuracy
Increase the range and accuracy of your grammatical structures and vocabulary. This will help better articulate ideas and improve the overall flow and clarity of the essay.
Task Achievement
Use specific and relevant examples to support each main point you make. This will help strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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