IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives.

#aim #science #people’s #lives
It has been widely claimed that the most crucial
purpose
 of
science
 should be an improvement for the living of
people
.
While
 it is argued by some that there is
possibility
Add an article
the possibility
a possibility
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 that other
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
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 could be more important.
This
 essay discusses
with
Change preposition
apply
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the perspectives
why
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on why
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 I agree that
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of
people
’s
live
Replace the word
lives
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 is the most important goal for
science
. To
being
Verb problem
begin
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 with, it seems reasonable to believe that
science
 become one of the most important factors
that
is
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are
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Correct article usage
the method
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method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
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 for
medical
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a medical
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experiment
Fix the agreement mistake
experiments
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. In
the
Correct determiner usage
this
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 case, it could be harmful for society if the
purpose
 of the
researching
Replace the word
research
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 is not
focusing
Change the verb form
to focus
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 on an improvement
for
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in
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people ‘
Change noun form
people's
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lives.
For example
, the medicine could not be enough good quality because the manufacturing company uses
science
 to reduce cost of the production to respond
the
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to the
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purpose
for
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of
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 reaching more profit.
For
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From
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this
 perspective, it could
make
Verb problem
have
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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negative effects
for
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on
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people
 who have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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serious health
condition
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conditions
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 when
science
 is used for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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misconduct.
Moreover
, it could be a significant point to debate that the price of basic goods or services for
standard
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the standard
a standard
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 of living will be extremely too expensive to afford in case
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the priority of aim of
science
 is
commercial
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a commercial
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purpose
. To clarify the argument, it could be seen that our routine daily life is involved with
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 resulting from
innovation
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the innovation
show examples
 of
science
 in some way
such
 as electronic vehicles and smartphones.
As a consequence
,
this
 could cause
difficult
Correct article usage
a difficult
show examples
 situation for
people
 who receive minimum wages because the price is too high to afford those products. In conclusion, I am the option believing that the most crucial goal of
science
 should be focusing on
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of
people
 because it is able to cause negative outcomes for society in case of targeting
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other purposes
such
 as profitable growth and only conducting business.
Submitted by kanittha.sma on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure the logical flow of ideas by organizing paragraphs clearly and using a range of cohesive devices. The essay should have a natural progression from introduction, through main body paragraphs, to a conclusion, with each paragraph focused on a single main idea.
Task Achievement
It is crucial to directly and fully address the prompts given in the task. Make sure that each body paragraph has a clear topic sentence directly related to the task and that it is elaborated with relevant details and examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be clearer. The introduction should clearly respond to the task and state what the essay will discuss. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your position without introducing new information.
Language Accuracy
Increase the range and accuracy of your grammatical structures and vocabulary. This will help better articulate ideas and improve the overall flow and clarity of the essay.
Task Achievement
Use specific and relevant examples to support each main point you make. This will help strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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