IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
It has been widely claimed that it is crucial to
further
 your action across your comfort zone in their professional
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 and their personal lives.
While
 it is possible to be argued by some that it could cause
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negative effect.
This
 essay discusses
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the perspectives
that
Change preposition
of
show examples
 why I consider
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the action to be
positive
Add an article
the positive
a positive
show examples
 circumstance. To
being
Verb problem
begin
show examples
 with, it might seem reasonable to believe that
beside from
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 being in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 job industry
that is
 related to your
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 background would be an opportunity to enhance your future.
For example
, people with
legal
Correct article usage
a legal
show examples
 background might consider their career path in
marketing
Add an article
the marketing
show examples
 field to expand their job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 in
labour
Add an article
the labour
show examples
 market.
For
Change preposition
From
show examples
this
 perspective, the
person
 will
be benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 wider chance to receive income.
Moreover
, it could
a
Add a missing verb
be a
show examples
significant point to consider that taking
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 will improve
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 mindset in the
person
. To clarify the statement, it could be seen that doing
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
routine activities is able to reduce
pro-active
Correct article usage
a pro-active
show examples
 mindset because it repeats your daily life in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar pattern without stimulating your brain to produce new
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
.
For instance
, in case
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
person
 doesn’t have any
hobby
Fix the agreement mistake
hobbies
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the weekend, there will be more stress for them.
As a consequence
, it would be better to risk
to try
Change the verb form
trying
show examples
 new hobbies
such
 as biking and swimming to establish
can-do
Correct article usage
a can-do
show examples
 attitude. In conclusion,
although
 it is undeniable that taking risks in your life is possible to lead to negative outcomes because the future situation can be predictable, I am the option believing there are more
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advantages because it is able to help the
person
 find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobs accessibly and improve personal mindset to be more active.
Submitted by kanittha.sma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

logical structure
Ensure a more structured approach by having a clear introduction stating the essay’s viewpoint, well-organized main body paragraphs each focusing on one main idea, and a coherent conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the opinion.
introduction conclusion present
Introduce both sides of the argument in the essay, with clear topic sentences for each paragraph. Link ideas and paragraphs using a range of cohesive devices appropriately.
supported main points
Expand on the main points with further explanations and relevant examples. Each main point should be clearly stated and supported with specific examples or evidence.
complete response
Fully address all parts of the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in depth. Give clear, detailed ideas directly related to the question.
clear comprehensive ideas
Write comprehensive ideas by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the argument is developed logically throughout the essay.
relevant specific examples
Include specific, relevant examples to support your arguments. Avoid being too general or vague in your examples; they should clearly illustrate and strengthen the points you are making.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: