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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the honey bee. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the honey bee. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The diagram depicts the stages of honey bees's life from embryo to mature. It can be seen in the cycle that there are four stages lifespan of the
bee
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the lifespan of
honey
Correct article usage
a honey
show examples
bee
Use synonyms
takes
Verb problem
is
show examples
 34-36
days
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the mature females produce and lay their eggs in
nest
Add an article
a nest
the nest
show examples
 about 1 or 2 eggs every three
days
Use synonyms
. Along the day by day until 9-10
days
Use synonyms
, the eggs will hatch, and the juvenile
bee
Use synonyms
 go out from the crack. the juvenile
bee
Use synonyms
 is called
"Nymph"
Correct article usage
a "Nymph"
show examples
 which has 3 types of sizes
among
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the nymph grows. the
first,
Linking Words
when it has in the 5
days
Use synonyms
 after hatching, 7
days
Use synonyms
, and the
last
Linking Words
 period of
nymph
Add an article
a nymph
the nymph
show examples
 in the 9
days
Use synonyms
 before being
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 adult. the next stage is young adult which can emerge together between the male and female to continue the cycle. After 4
days
Use synonyms
 the young become mature
Use synonyms
bee
Fix the agreement mistake
bees
show examples
, and the female bees will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
put the egg again in their nest and the new life of the cycle will
be begin
Change the verb form
begin
show examples
 again.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words bee, days with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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