Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Other believe it is important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.

It has been widely claimed that some students in university would like to learn additional
subjects
apart from their main
subjects
.
While
it is argued by some that it is crucial to spend all time and concentration for learning for the degree.
This
essay will
firstly
Change the word
first
show examples
discuss both perspectives before elaborating
why
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on why
show examples
I consider
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
learning
subjects
beside from
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besides
show examples
major
subjects
to be
positive
Add an article
the positive
a positive
show examples
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
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. To
being
Verb problem
begin
show examples
with, it might be for some to believe that concentration is a key
for
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to
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success.
This
is
properly
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proper
show examples
because it will help focus on the contends in the
subjects
.
For example
, in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
of studying accounting, spending most of your time
to study
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studying
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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accounting
subjects
might help you be a successful accountant.
For
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From
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this
perspective, it will expand your job
opportunity
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opportunities
show examples
after college
due to
your specialist in accounting.
On the other hand
, it could be a significant point that wider learning is more comprehensive to build knowledge.
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students in accounting major could take the subject in
other field
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another field
other fields
show examples
to support their learning in accounting
such
as finance and marketing.
As a consequence
, the student will not be only
accountant
Correct article usage
an accountant
show examples
but
also
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a marketer. In conclusion,
although
it is undeniable that putting the effort and spending all
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
to focus in
main
Add an article
the main
a main
show examples
subject will provide the advantage for
the learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
to be
a
Change the article
an
show examples
expert in the field, I am the option to believe that learning other
subjects
is important as well because it will increase your perspective in term of various field that causing to be comprehensive learning.
Submitted by kanittha.sma on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that both sides of the argument are evenly discussed and that the conclusion is clear and directly links back to the prompt.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by using a more varied range of cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points, ensuring they contribute to the argument and illustrate your point effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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