IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

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In most of the games
players
Use synonyms
 these days are more attracted towards the intake of
drugs
Use synonyms
 which helps to enhance their capability. There are some reasons
such
Linking Words
 as mental pressure and sometimes
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tough competition among competitors
pushes
Correct subject-verb agreement
push
show examples
 them to use illegal substances. There are possible solutions for these causes
such
Linking Words
 as enforcing strict penalties and starting
awareness
Use synonyms
campaign
Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
show examples
. The primary cause is mental pressure
over
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
players
Use synonyms
 by their trainers or teammates to win the
game
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 at any cost. So, most
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
being
Wrong verb form
are
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 afraid of being kicked out
due to
Linking Words
 performance,
then
Linking Words
 some of the
players
Use synonyms
 intake illegal substances to boost their performance. Another reason
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 inhibits competitors
to use
Change preposition
from using
show examples
 banned chemicals is the competition between different teams.
For instance
Linking Words
, In the
game
Use synonyms
 named as Kabaddi,
recently
Rephrase
apply
show examples
some of the
players
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 were under
influence
Correct article usage
the influence
show examples
 of
drugs
Use synonyms
 before the match which
helps
Wrong verb form
helped
show examples
 them to improve their physical activities. The first solution to the above causes is enforcing strict fines if someone is found guilty
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 taking
drugs
Use synonyms
 to boost their energy before the
game
Use synonyms
. The government must conduct regular DOPE checks for the
players
Use synonyms
 prior to their training and final
game
Use synonyms
. The second solution to halt
this
Linking Words
 can be done by conducting
Use synonyms
awareness
Correct article usage
an awareness
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 campaign at
local
Add an article
the local
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 level under
supervision
Add an article
the supervision
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 of
local
Correct article usage
the local
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 municipality.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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 of people will
get
Verb problem
be
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 aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
 of taking illegal
drugs
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
survey
Add an article
a survey
show examples
 report by New Delhi says that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
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 in
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 has been observed in taking banned chemicals after the
awareness
Use synonyms
 rallies have been organised.
To sum up
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, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
players
Use synonyms
uses
Correct subject-verb agreement
use
show examples
drugs
Use synonyms
 under mental pressure,
whereas
Linking Words
 some of them use because of tough competition among teams. The solutions to decrease the intake of chemicals by
players
Use synonyms
 is by imposing harsh/strict fines and by organising
awareness
Use synonyms
 campaigns.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should address a single idea that relates to the overall topic, avoiding irrelevant information.
coherence cohesion
Maintain logical structure throughout your essay by organizing your ideas in a way that each flows naturally to the next. Use linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with clear explanations, evidence, or examples. Avoid vague statements by providing specific details to substantiate your claims.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task to ensure a complete response. Make sure to discuss both the causes and the solutions as required by the essay prompt.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully to ensure clarity and depth in your essay. Expand on your points with comprehensive explanations so that the reader can understand your reasoning.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant and specific examples to reinforce your ideas. This will provide evidence for your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Performance-enhancing drugs (PEDs)
  • Doping
  • Anti-doping regulations
  • Detection methods
  • Ban substances
  • Ethical issues
  • Health risks
  • Fair play
  • Sportsmanship
  • Stakes
  • Pressure to succeed
  • Enforcement
  • Awareness programs
  • Testing frequency
  • Entourage
  • Science advancement
  • Financial gains
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