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Band 6.5

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Others think they should begin after 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There is an ongoing debate as to whether
children
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 start their formal
education
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 at a very young
age
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 or after 7 years old.
While
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 proponents of the early-
age
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 starter argue that
children
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 may achieve early success in careers the opposites claim that
children
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 should be well-developed physically before starting
education
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.
Although
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 both sides make very valid points, I would argue that starting
education
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 at a very early
age
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 is better for most
children
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.
To begin
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 with, it could be said that beginning
school
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 in advance results in time privileges for
children
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.
This
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 way,
children
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 are able to be independent at a very young
age
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, unlike the current situation where students are
finally
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 considered adults when they hit undergraduate schools in their early 20s.
Furthermore
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, there is a scientific fact that actually, kids’ brains are at their best performance at the
age
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 of 3 to 5.
This
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 can be
such
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 a good use to comprehend basic knowledge
such
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 as logic, reading, and writing skills
On the other hand
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, in some cases, commencing
school
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 after 7 years old is better and easier for both schools and families as
children
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 are able to understand commands and will
therefore
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 produce better academic results. In
this
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 maturity stage, they are able to control their tantrums and other biological behaviours
such
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 as bladder control. In
this
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 case, studying situations are more convenient for all parties.
However
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, in my opinion, the natural behaviour in them is trainable at a very young
age
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. In fact, The institution can be one of their training environments.
For instance
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, the permission of the lavatory makes them put more consideration into going to the bathroom frequently.
Moreover
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, their toddler phase will eventually pass
while
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 simultaneously grasping new skills at that time. In conclusion, I firmly believe that commencing
education
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 at a very young
age
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 is more beneficial to them
due to
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 the possibility of gaining more prospects in their adult lives as they will have finished
school
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 earlier.
Also
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, some obstacles,
such
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 as toddlers’ natural behaviour, are to be managed by
school
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 and family.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that each idea is fully developed and expanded upon with detailed examples or explanations. The essay shows a basic logical structure, but greater attention to fully expanding ideas could improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating more complex and varied sentence structures to aid coherence and cohesion. Effective use of linking phrases can also improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task thoroughly, presenting a clear position throughout the response. While the essay provides an opinion, ensure that you maintain a balanced discussion before concluding with your perspective.
task achievement
Support your main points with relevant, specific examples. Avoid broad statements that lack depth and provide more detailed evidence to strengthen your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • social skills
  • lifelong love for learning
  • undue pressure
  • young minds
  • emotionally and socially
  • less structured environment
  • play-based learning
  • crucial
  • long-term academic performance
  • well-being
  • balancing early education
  • flexibility
  • best approach
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