Online education is becoming more and more popular. Some people claim that e-learning has so many benefits that it will replace face-to-face education soon. Others say that traditional education is irreplaceable. Discuss both views and give your opinion. ( traditional methods of teaching versus the modern ones

In earlier years, the existence of advanced technology developed significantly. Some communities ensure that it will
brings
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bring
show examples
many advantages for the future in education sectors.
Conversely
, learning in traditional
ways
is more beneficial which meets the teacher in the class. In my perspective, learning
subjects
in a class has its own value, and online education will be an option for a student to
study
on many occasions.
Firstly
, learning by attending
school
is irreplaceable because students will learn how to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disciplined people by obeying what their teacher says.
For instance
, educators in a
school
may be taught pupils how to present communications in a good way.
This
phenomenon cannot be learned by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online schools
since
Change preposition
because
show examples
the limitless of interaction.
Thus
, it is the reason why traditional
ways
should still exist. On the other sides, various advantages can be achieved through e-learning.
First,
we may
study
several
subjects
in
Change preposition
under
show examples
many conditions, they may choose the time which
comprehend
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comprehends
show examples
with them. By online courses,
moreover
, we may get affordable prices since it only
charge
Change the verb form
charges
show examples
the services rather than
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
to
study
in
school
Add an article
a school
show examples
which charges
many
Change preposition
for many
show examples
aspects
such
as the building and the facilities.
For example
, some schools only learn the basic theory,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
some universities
major
Correct word choice
apply
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require specific
subjects
that rarely can be acquired in the
school
.
In addition
, some of it offers cheap courses in some popular
subjects
.
Therefore
, the existence of e-learning may
also
be beneficial in many factors. In my opinion, both methods will be working side-by-side since each method will complement each other. The old
ways
may teach about discipline and the newest will
provides
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provide
show examples
a variety of knowledge. In conclusion, the numerous
ways
to achieve knowledge may affect how pupils learn.
Although
, it will complement each other because the advanced technology
insist
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insists
show examples
student to
study
everywhere. I believe that with many resources to get knowledge, it will make it easier for the future.
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Cohesion and Coherence
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Cohesion and Coherence
The introduction sets the tone for the essay but could have been more precise by clearly stating the main points that will be discussed. The conclusion is suitable, summarizing the essay effectively.
Task Achievement
Provide clear examples to support your main points. Avoid generalizations and include specific evidence or reasoning to back up your arguments.
Task Achievement
Ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the task, including both views and your own opinion, and that these arguments are developed comprehensively.
Task Achievement
Enrich your essay by varying your sentence structures, using a range of vocabulary, and ensuring that your personal opinion is clear, yet balanced with the discussion of both views.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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