Online education is becoming more and more popular. Some people claim that e-learning has so many benefits that it will replace face-to-face education soon. Others say that traditional education is irreplaceable. Discuss both views and give your opinion. ( traditional methods of teaching versus the modern ones

#education #people #methods #ones

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In earlier years, the existence of advanced technology developed significantly. Some communities ensure that it will

brings

Change the verb form

bring

show examples

many advantages for the future in education sectors.

Conversely

, learning in traditional

ways

is more beneficial which meets the teacher in the class. In my perspective, learning

subjects

in a class has its own value, and online education will be an option for a student to

study

on many occasions.

Firstly

, learning by attending

school

is irreplaceable because students will learn how to be

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

disciplined people by obeying what their teacher says.

For instance

, educators in a

school

may be taught pupils how to present communications in a good way.

This

phenomenon cannot be learned by

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

online schools

since

Change preposition

because

show examples

the limitless of interaction.

Thus

, it is the reason why traditional

ways

should still exist. On the other sides, various advantages can be achieved through e-learning.

First,

we may

study

several

subjects

Change preposition

under

show examples

many conditions, they may choose the time which

comprehend

Change the verb form

comprehends

show examples

with them. By online courses,

moreover

, we may get affordable prices since it only

charge

Change the verb form

charges

show examples

the services rather than

have

Wrong verb form

having

show examples

study

school

Add an article

a school

show examples

which charges

many

Change preposition

for many

show examples

aspects

such

as the building and the facilities.

For example

, some schools only learn the basic theory,

however

Add a comma

however,

show examples

some universities

major

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

require specific

subjects

that rarely can be acquired in the

school

In addition

, some of it offers cheap courses in some popular

subjects

Therefore

, the existence of e-learning may

also

be beneficial in many factors. In my opinion, both methods will be working side-by-side since each method will complement each other. The old

ways

may teach about discipline and the newest will

provides

Change the verb form

provide

show examples

a variety of knowledge. In conclusion, the numerous

ways

to achieve knowledge may affect how pupils learn.

Although

, it will complement each other because the advanced technology

insist

Change the verb form

insists

show examples

student to

study

everywhere. I believe that with many resources to get knowledge, it will make it easier for the future.

Submitted by re.li on Sun Dec 17 2023

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Cohesion and Coherence

Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic that is maintained throughout the paragraph. Aim for a logical progression of ideas without abrupt shifts or contradictions.

Cohesion and Coherence

The introduction sets the tone for the essay but could have been more precise by clearly stating the main points that will be discussed. The conclusion is suitable, summarizing the essay effectively.

Task Achievement

Provide clear examples to support your main points. Avoid generalizations and include specific evidence or reasoning to back up your arguments.

Task Achievement

Ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the task, including both views and your own opinion, and that these arguments are developed comprehensively.

Task Achievement

Enrich your essay by varying your sentence structures, using a range of vocabulary, and ensuring that your personal opinion is clear, yet balanced with the discussion of both views.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

320 words

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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