IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Beside a lot of advantages, some people believe that the Internet creates many problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #internet
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
while
Linking Words
 the
internet
Use synonyms
 has brought numerous positive changes and advancements, it has
also
Linking Words
 given rise to various challenges and problems.
This
Linking Words
 essay will show that
this
Linking Words
 statement is completely correct
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 causes cyberbullying and online
thefts
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, one of the main problems caused by
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 is cyberbullying. Many
people
Use synonyms
 express their hate to others more freely and without any actual consequences using the
internet
Use synonyms
,
due to
Linking Words
 the anonymity provided by it.
This
Linking Words
 can be expressed in the
forms
Fix the agreement mistake
form
show examples
 of bending repeated threatening emails, messages, or comments with the intention of causing fear or emotional distress to their haters.
Therefore
Linking Words
, youths have many problems related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 mental health and are always afraid to communicate with other
people
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are many
thefts
Use synonyms
 happening
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 who are computer experts, like hackers, can easily get access to the personal data of companies, advertisers, and even governments, without being caught, because of the hardness of tracking activities online.
Therefore
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
this
Linking Words
 opportunity
do
Verb problem
to make
show examples
 money
thefts
Use synonyms
 by opening false bank accounts using the personal data of other
people
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
blackmail
Wrong verb form
blackmailing
show examples
 big business corporations and governments to not leak their data to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 acts, many
people
Use synonyms
 are
illegally
Change the word
illegal
show examples
 but easily
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
 a quick and big income, without any consequences. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the idea that
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 can cause
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of trouble, particularly online
thefts
Use synonyms
 and cyberbullying. So, despite many
advantages
Add a comma
advantages,
show examples
 we need to be cautious when we use the
internet
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by abdullaevayt on

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Supported Main Points
Be sure to develop your main points more thoroughly. Expand on the examples you provide and relate them back to the topic to strengthen the argument.
Introduction Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are evident, but the introduction could benefit from a clearer thesis statement reflecting the extent of your agreement or disagreement.
Logical Structure
Work on creating more complex sentence structures and use a variety of linking words to improve coherence and cohesion in your essay.
Complete Response
Ensure that your response answers all parts of the task. While you've addressed the problems caused by the internet, challenge yourself to explore counterarguments to present a more balanced view.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Clarify and expand your ideas to ensure they are comprehensive. Aim for each paragraph to contain one clear main idea with specific details to support it.
Relevant Specific Examples
Include a wider range of relevant and specific examples to support your points, and make sure to elaborate on how these examples connect to the main argument of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • E-commerce
  • Consumer behavior
  • Virtual marketplace
  • Cybersecurity
  • Digital footprint
  • Return policy
  • Comparison shopping
  • Customer reviews
  • Retail therapy
  • Logistics
  • User interface
  • Payment gateway
What to do next:
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