Beside a lot of advantages, some people believe that the Internet creates many problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Some
people
argue that while
the internet
has brought numerous positive changes and advancements, it has also
given rise to various challenges and problems. This
essay will show that this
statement is completely correct due to
the fact that internet
causes cyberbullying and online Correct article usage
the internet
thefts
.
Firstly
, one of the main problems caused by internet
is cyberbullying. Many Add an article
the internet
people
express their hate to others more freely and without any actual consequences using the internet
, due to
the anonymity provided by it. This
can be expressed in the forms
of bending repeated threatening emails, messages, or comments with the intention of causing fear or emotional distress to their haters. Fix the agreement mistake
form
Therefore
, youths have many problems related with
mental health and are always afraid to communicate with other Change preposition
to
people
.
Secondly
, there are many thefts
happening in
Change preposition
on
Add an article
the internet
internet
. Capitalize word
Internet
People
who are computer experts, like hackers, can easily get access to the personal data of companies, advertisers, and even governments, without being caught, because of the hardness of tracking activities online. Therefore
, many people
using
Wrong verb form
use
this
opportunity do
money Verb problem
to make
thefts
by opening false bank accounts using the personal data of other people
,
and Remove the comma
apply
blackmail
big business corporations and governments to not leak their data to Wrong verb form
blackmailing
public
. Add an article
the public
As a result
of this
acts, many Correct determiner usage
these
people
are illegally
but easily Change the word
illegal
gets
a quick and big income, without any consequences.
In conclusion, I strongly agree with the idea that Correct subject-verb agreement
get
internet
can cause Correct article usage
the internet
a lots
of trouble, particularly online Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
thefts
and cyberbullying. So, despite many advantages
we need to be cautious when we use the Add a comma
advantages,
internet
.Submitted by abdullaevayt on
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Supported Main Points
Be sure to develop your main points more thoroughly. Expand on the examples you provide and relate them back to the topic to strengthen the argument.
Introduction Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are evident, but the introduction could benefit from a clearer thesis statement reflecting the extent of your agreement or disagreement.
Logical Structure
Work on creating more complex sentence structures and use a variety of linking words to improve coherence and cohesion in your essay.
Complete Response
Ensure that your response answers all parts of the task. While you've addressed the problems caused by the internet, challenge yourself to explore counterarguments to present a more balanced view.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Clarify and expand your ideas to ensure they are comprehensive. Aim for each paragraph to contain one clear main idea with specific details to support it.
Relevant Specific Examples
Include a wider range of relevant and specific examples to support your points, and make sure to elaborate on how these examples connect to the main argument of your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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