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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The student who study from the school to university get benefit less and contribute less,than those of student who go to travel or job and get skills and experience brfore going high.Do you agree or disagree

Had been argued, that
people
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 who have regular experience in school will be less active in terms of socializing and participating in classes.
However
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,others believe that taking what is called a "gap year" will develop the
student
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's consciousness and improve his
skills
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 in most life aspects.From my perspective, taking a gap year will not be beneficial to the sufficient level and its do not worth the risks.
Although
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 travelling and taking experiences will develop the
student
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's character, it may affect his career as most companies do not employ
people
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 who do not have the ambitions and determination for their studies.
For example
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, there is a study which became published in 2018 says that 70% of successful
people
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 in the work environment discover a major
that is
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 more suitable for them from high school.
Moreover
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, Universities and companies made a new requirement named " personal statement" which contains the most significant challenges in
student
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 careers and how they are overcome and,
as a result
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, withdrawal percentages have decreased significantly.
On the other hand
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, the school environment in the
last
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 decade requires more social
skills
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 and cooperation than before as education facilities are focusing on the social section of the learning process more than the actual curriculum.
For example
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, in 2023 most United States universities' average requirement for graduating relies on 70% of presentations and projects that need communication with other students.
Therefore
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, it will enhance the
student
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's
skills
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 in communication and give them the opportunity to interact with
people
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 more. In conclusion, social skill is a fundamental part of the education process as society evaluates them more than before.In my opinion, schools and universities are sufficient places to enhance your
skills
Use synonyms

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task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your thesis statement is clearly defined in the introduction, setting the stage for what the essay covers.
general
Avoid minor grammatical mistakes and consider using more varied sentence structures to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion, providing a solid framework for your ideas.
task achievement
You present a balanced perspective by discussing both sides of the argument, showing understanding of the topic's complexity.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow between paragraphs is smooth, guiding the reader effortlessly from one point to the next.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic structure
  • Real-world experience
  • Practical skills
  • Soft skills
  • Foundational knowledge
  • Adaptability
  • Problem-solving
  • Career paths
  • Higher education
  • Global perspective
  • Cultural appreciation
  • Economic factors
  • Student debt
  • Long-term benefits
  • Workforce experience
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