IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph given illustrate the used devices in the 18 to 25 age group in canada used to watch television in two different years(2009 and 2018).

The graph given illustrate the used devices in the 18 to 25 age group in canada used to watch television in two different years(2009 and 2018).
#devices #age #group #canada #television #two #years
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The pie charts describe the information about the adults were used
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
various devices to
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 films and series
such
Linking Words
 as mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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,
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
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,
Correct word choice
and tablet
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tablet
Fix the agreement mistake
tablets
show examples
. Desktop computer. Flat-screen
TV
Use synonyms
 and conventional
TV
Use synonyms
 in two different periods in 2009 and 2019 in Canada.
Overall
Linking Words
, adults used to watch more hours
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 conventional
TV
Use synonyms
,
in contrast
Linking Words
, after one decade, they
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
watched more hours
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the.
flat-screen
Add an article
a flat-screen
show examples
TV
Use synonyms
 and mobile phone. The graph shows that the conventional
TV
Use synonyms
 device was used the most in 2009 at 34 per cent, but ten years later, it was reduced drastically by 4%. The year of 2009, the laptop was used fifth, in 2019, 12% of used
this
Linking Words
 device.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the desktop computer had used 18
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 in 2009, but in 2019,
this
Linking Words
 was diminished slightly, which was 12
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the flat-screen had the highest used device in 2019, at 27% but it had utilised only 8% in 2009. The mobile phone was used in 2009, for accounted 15 per cent, surprisingly,
this
Linking Words
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased by 11
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in the year of 2019.
Likewise
Linking Words
, the tablet had used only 5% in 2009 but
this
Linking Words
 utilisation
was risen
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 dramatically, which was just under
fifth
Correct article usage
a fifth
show examples
.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words tv with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • traditional television sets
  • mobile devices
  • technological advancements
  • streaming services
  • laptop and desktop computers
  • flexibility
  • multifunctionality
  • smart TVs
  • household routines
  • younger demographics
  • streaming sticks
  • gaming consoles
  • digital entertainment purposes
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