Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.
There is no doubt that these days
people
have problems with their health
which is making their health
worse some people
believe that an increase in public health
facilities is significant while
others think that an increase the public health
will be affected. In this
essay, I am going to discuss both views and draw my opinion.
In terms of benefits expansion of public health
in the whole world is again thought as we have a lake of public health
in our country making sports
popular in our country moreover
, to encourage people
to do exercise in convenient time and also
anytime.in terms of disadvantages, people
argue that public health
is not essential nowadays there are gyms, clubs, and people
can do sports
in their homes some people
think that increasing our a building and a road is necessary nowadays more than that. The main reason for giving support to this
is that public health
plays in many ways to decrease your weight, to be mental health
and you get a good mood. To illustrate, there was a questionnaire for raising sports
facilities well many people
want to do sports
and be healthy. In other words
, this
is an argument about sports
, that will affect people
not just the government.
In conclusion, although
both views are essential for this
the contemporary era but
in my opinion as I can see from the world where many Correct word choice
apply
people
fat
, Add a missing verb
are fat
therefore
, developing public sports
is perfect for human
nowadays.Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear logical structure with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion sections. Your essay attempts to address these but the transition between ideas is at times unclear.
coherence cohesion
Aim to avoid repeating arguments. Focus on providing clear and distinct points in each paragraph, rather than reiterating the same idea in different words.
coherence cohesion
Use paragraphs to separate different ideas and arguments clearly. Each paragraph should address a single main idea and provide supporting sentences that reinforce that idea.
task achievement
Make sure you provide a complete response to the task with a clear opinion or solution. Your essay touches on the points but does not develop each one sufficiently.
task achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas that relate directly to the question. Work on explaining how these ideas answer the prompt fully. Ideas in your essay were at times unclear or underdeveloped.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support your main points. This will make your essay more persuasive and your arguments more compelling. Your essay lacked specific examples to support its claims.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
