Some people believe that teaching children at home is the best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. исправленные ошибки
There is an ongoing debate regarding, teaching children. A group of individuals believe that
,
learning at home is the best condition for improvement. Remove the comma
apply
However
, others argue, attending
school is essential. Correct word choice
that attending
Therefore
, ahead of my opinion, both the
views will be discussed Correct article usage
apply
further
.
Examining the former opinion, the primary argument the supporters would put forward is a waste of time during the destination. This
is because a long way takes a lot of time and energy , so it influences on
educational indicators. Change preposition
apply
Instead
of long trips, people prefer house teaching where they can develop their knowledge by keeping their force . In addition
, they also
believe that educational establishments are hubs for bullying and psychological traumas . The reason is pupils can't distinguish good and bad behaviours and don't realize how it will affect other students in the future . As a result
, parents choose to learn at home under their supervision.
On the contrary
, those in favour of the latter opinion have their own arguments . To begin
with , they claim that school is the best place for socialization . To begin
with elementary classes and culminating with graduation young generation learns to recognize different types of humans . It is a crucial part of life because they will work with various Fix the infinitive
Begin
of
people with opposite character traits and youth should be ready for Change preposition
apply
this
situation . Moreover
, it should be noted that besides
human nature , in live lection , children can easily understand practical sessions in laboratory
and other activities Add an article
the laboratory
a laboratory
where
demand Correct word choice
that
lively
explanation .
Add an article
a lively
To conclude
and offer my position , there are convincing arguments both for and against teaching children . I guess if school provides a wonderful environment and controls student's
behavior against other pupils , it will beneficial area for developing our future generations .Fix the agreement mistake
students'
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coherence cohesion
Your essay displays an adequate logical structure, but it needs more clarity in paragraphing and smoother transitions between ideas. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and cohesive devices to create a better flow.
coherence cohesion
You have an introduction and conclusion, but they could be enhanced. The introductory paragraph should more clearly present the two views and your thesis statement. The conclusion should summarize the key points made and reaffirm your position unequivocally.
coherence cohesion
The main points in your essay are supported to some extent; however, they require further development and more concrete examples. Strive to elaborate on the reasons and consequences, providing more detailed evidence or examples that fully demonstrate the validity of the points made.
task achievement
Your response to the task is partially complete. You discussed both views, but the specific reasons and illustrations were somewhat lacking. Ensure that you fully address the prompt by providing a balanced discussion on both views and a clear, well-explained personal stance.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear ideas, but they could be articulated more comprehensively. Aim to express your thoughts with increased clarity, expanding upon the points with richer details and a deeper exploration of the implications of each view.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided, but they need to be more specific and detailed to strengthen your argument. Use more precise examples and explain how they specifically relate to the points being made, to better illustrate your argument and make it more convincing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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