Some educators believe that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There are some educational authorities that believe that every

child

Use synonyms

should learn how to play an instrument. In

this

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essay

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essay,

show examples

I will discuss why I disagree with

this

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notion and form a conclusion.

Firstly

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, the art of learning a new instrument requires dedication, hard work and

self discipline

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self-discipline

show examples

. If these core values are instilled into the youth at a young age, they are more likely to carry

such

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important traits into their adult lives.

Furthermore

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, the majority of occupations require hard work, determination and grit so, if a

child

Use synonyms

already exhibits

such

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traits he will be more likely to succeed in the world of work.

Secondly

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, many competitive fields,

such

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as Medicine require additional accolades rather than just educational ones. If they have achieved a remarkable musical standard,

then

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they are able to compete for the top jobs.

Moreover

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, they are able to stand out against their

competiton

Correct your spelling

competition

and set themselves apart from their peers.

On the other hand

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, the deliberate force yielded onto a

child

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to learn an instrument, when they have no

such

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interest, can manifest as feelings of loathing and

self contempt

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self-contempt

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. Often, if a young person is

co erced

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coerced

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into a subject they don’t want to do, they will never try their best or feel enjoyment.

This

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can later make

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apply

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youth feel inferior when they start performing badly in

such

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a subject.

Additionally

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, there may be other avenues,

such

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as sports that are of more interest to them.

However

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due to

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the fact that they are learning a different skill, like

music

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music,

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they will have no time for their physical pursuits.

This

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will likely cause resentment. In conclusion, it is advisable that other avenues are explored than just music as

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apply

show examples

this

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can create negative feelings in a

child

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and cause resentment to that field.

abeera2012Sun Dec 17 2023

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Task Response

Ensure that your essay has a clear opinion throughout. Although you presented both sides of the argument, it is important to maintain your position consistently for a more compelling task response.

Task Response

Your essay lacked specific examples and data to support your arguments. Incorporate concrete examples or statistics to illustrate your points and increase the persuasiveness of your essay.

Task Response

Your introduction briefly stated the topic, but it could benefit from a stronger thesis statement that unequivocally presents your stance on the matter.

Coherence and Cohesion

Work on essay coherence by using cohesive devices and transition words to link ideas and paragraphs together more seamlessly. This will make the essay easier to follow and understand.

Coherence and Cohesion

You approached both sides of the argument, which is good for balance but can create confusion if not structured properly. Devote one paragraph to each point of view and use clear topic sentences to signpost your arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

Be sure to reiterate your main points and summarise your stance in your conclusion to effectively wrap up your essay and leave the reader with a clear understanding of your argument.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

299 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

educators
taught
play a musical instrument
benefits
cognitive skills
academic performance
physical coordination
motor skills
discipline
perseverance
express themselves
self-confidence
stress relief
relaxation
creativity
imagination
inclusivity
equal access
arts education
practical challenges
implementing
universal
balance
mandatory
academic subjects

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Some educators believe that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Environmental damage is a problem in most countries. What is the cause of this damage? What should be done about this problem?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?