Some educators believe that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There are some educational authorities that believe that every
child
should learn how to play an instrument. In this
essay
I will discuss why I disagree with Add a comma
essay,
this
notion and form a conclusion.
Firstly
, the art of learning a new instrument requires dedication, hard work and self discipline
. If these core values are instilled into the youth at a young age, they are more likely to carry Add a hyphen
self-discipline
such
important traits into their adult lives. Furthermore
, the majority of occupations require hard work, determination and grit so, if a child
already exhibits such
traits he will be more likely to succeed in the world of work. Secondly
, many competitive fields, such
as Medicine require additional accolades rather than just educational ones. If they have achieved a remarkable musical standard, then
they are able to compete for the top jobs. Moreover
, they are able to stand out against their competiton
and set themselves apart from their peers.
Correct your spelling
competition
On the other hand
, the deliberate force yielded onto a child
to learn an instrument, when they have no such
interest, can manifest as feelings of loathing and self contempt
. Often, if a young person is Add a hyphen
self-contempt
co erced
into a subject they don’t want to do, they will never try their best or feel enjoyment. Correct your spelling
coerced
This
can later make a
youth feel inferior when they start performing badly in Remove the article
apply
such
a subject. Additionally
, there may be other avenues, such
as sports that are of more interest to them. However
, due to
the fact that they are learning a different skill, like music
they will have no time for their physical pursuits. Add a comma
music,
This
will likely cause resentment.
In conclusion, it is advisable that other avenues are explored than just music as,
Remove the comma
apply
this
can create negative feelings in a child
and cause resentment to that field.Submitted by abeera2012 on
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Task Response
Ensure that your essay has a clear opinion throughout. Although you presented both sides of the argument, it is important to maintain your position consistently for a more compelling task response.
Task Response
Your essay lacked specific examples and data to support your arguments. Incorporate concrete examples or statistics to illustrate your points and increase the persuasiveness of your essay.
Task Response
Your introduction briefly stated the topic, but it could benefit from a stronger thesis statement that unequivocally presents your stance on the matter.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on essay coherence by using cohesive devices and transition words to link ideas and paragraphs together more seamlessly. This will make the essay easier to follow and understand.
Coherence and Cohesion
You approached both sides of the argument, which is good for balance but can create confusion if not structured properly. Devote one paragraph to each point of view and use clear topic sentences to signpost your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be sure to reiterate your main points and summarise your stance in your conclusion to effectively wrap up your essay and leave the reader with a clear understanding of your argument.
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