Some educators believe that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are some educational authorities that believe that every
child
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should learn how to play an instrument. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay
Add a comma
essay,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In this essay. Consider adding a comma.

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I will discuss why I disagree with
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

notion and form a conclusion.
Firstly
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, the art of learning a new instrument requires dedication, hard work and
self discipline
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self-discipline

It appears that self discipline is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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. If these core values are instilled into the youth at a young age, they are more likely to carry
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

important traits into their adult lives.
Furthermore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the majority of occupations require hard work, determination and grit so, if a
child
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

already exhibits
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

traits he will be more likely to succeed in the world of work.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many competitive fields,
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as Medicine require additional accolades rather than just educational ones. If they have achieved a remarkable musical standard,
then
Linking Words

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they are able to compete for the top jobs.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they are able to stand out against their
competiton
Correct your spelling
competition

If you don’t want competiton to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

and set themselves apart from their peers.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the deliberate force yielded onto a
child
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to learn an instrument, when they have no
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

interest, can manifest as feelings of loathing and
self contempt
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self-contempt

It appears that self contempt is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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. Often, if a young person is
co erced
Correct your spelling
coerced

The word co erced seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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into a subject they don’t want to do, they will never try their best or feel enjoyment.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

can later make
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun youth in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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youth feel inferior when they start performing badly in
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

a subject.
Additionally
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, there may be other avenues,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as sports that are of more interest to them.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the fact that they are learning a different skill, like
music
Add a comma
music,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase due to the fact that they are learning a different skill, like music. Consider adding a comma.

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they will have no time for their physical pursuits.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

will likely cause resentment. In conclusion, it is advisable that other avenues are explored than just music as
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction as. Consider removing the comma.

show examples
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

can create negative feelings in a
child
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and cause resentment to that field.

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Task Response
Ensure that your essay has a clear opinion throughout. Although you presented both sides of the argument, it is important to maintain your position consistently for a more compelling task response.
Task Response
Your essay lacked specific examples and data to support your arguments. Incorporate concrete examples or statistics to illustrate your points and increase the persuasiveness of your essay.
Task Response
Your introduction briefly stated the topic, but it could benefit from a stronger thesis statement that unequivocally presents your stance on the matter.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on essay coherence by using cohesive devices and transition words to link ideas and paragraphs together more seamlessly. This will make the essay easier to follow and understand.
Coherence and Cohesion
You approached both sides of the argument, which is good for balance but can create confusion if not structured properly. Devote one paragraph to each point of view and use clear topic sentences to signpost your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be sure to reiterate your main points and summarise your stance in your conclusion to effectively wrap up your essay and leave the reader with a clear understanding of your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • educators
  • taught
  • play a musical instrument
  • benefits
  • cognitive skills
  • academic performance
  • physical coordination
  • motor skills
  • discipline
  • perseverance
  • express themselves
  • self-confidence
  • stress relief
  • relaxation
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • inclusivity
  • equal access
  • arts education
  • practical challenges
  • implementing
  • universal
  • balance
  • mandatory
  • academic subjects
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