In many countries people increasingly talk about money (how much they earn or how much they pay for things in their daily conversations). Why? Is this a positive or negative development?
Thanks to
economic
world, our Add an article
the economic
life
hardly escape from money
hence
most of
Change preposition
apply
the
countries Correct article usage
apply
people
increasing
talking Wrong verb form
increase
money
as Change preposition
about money
communication
Correct article usage
a communication
topics
Fix the agreement mistake
topic
instead
of feeling and life
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
along with
some negative impacts on people
foucus
Correct your spelling
focus
topics
on money
.
As
Change preposition
In
a
Change the article
an
economical
world, every Replace the word
economic
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
had
a Wrong verb form
has
highly
inflation growth Change the adverb
high
in
every year Change preposition
apply
also
our daily life
have
a lot of Change the verb form
has
expense
such
as rent, utility and other fees need
to Correct pronoun usage
that need
be settle
, Change the verb form
be settled
In other words
, the individual revenue is not enough cover
daily Add the particle
to cover
expense
and future planning thus
force people
concern how to earn more to afford expense
and interested the secret of become wealthy in recent society. Add an article
the expense
For
this
reason, people
sharing
or Wrong verb form
share
exploring
Wrong verb form
explore
the
methods Correct article usage
apply
on
earn more in their conversation.
Change preposition
to
On the other hand
, there have
some negative impacts for Verb problem
are
people
talking about money
frequencely
. Correct your spelling
frequently
Firstly
, it creates comparison
between Add an article
a comparison
wealthy
and Correct article usage
the wealthy
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
therfore
a lower self-confidence Correct your spelling
therefore
exsists
Correct your spelling
exists
on
Change preposition
in
poor
who hardly gain more than Correct article usage
the poor
richer
. Correct word choice
the rich
Furthermore
, lack of daily sharing and express
personal Wrong verb form
expression of
feeling
when families or friends usually Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
talking
about Wrong verb form
talk
moeny
Correct your spelling
money
as a result
the bond between Correct pronoun usage
them become
become
weak. For me, I Wrong verb form
becomes
am
barely communicate with my parents Verb problem
can
due to
they say every ten words are related to money
which I could not slove
Correct your spelling
solve
this
problem and make us have a poor relations
.
In conclusion, most Replace the word
relationship
of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
prefer this
Change the determiner
this topic
these topics
topics
than
other Change preposition
to
topics
mainly because of money oriented
society. Add a hyphen
money-oriented
People
wants
to gain more to support Change the verb form
want
life
expense
and retirement living. And so influenced self-confidence by comparing and the relationship with closers.Submitted by llavina61 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks clear logical structure, as the ideas are presented in a rather chaotic manner, making it difficult for the reader to follow your arguments effectively. To enhance coherence, try to introduce your arguments in a clear order, using transition words to link your ideas appropriately.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of your essay are not well defined. It's important to introduce your topic clearly and present a succinct thesis statement. Similarly, your conclusion should clearly summarize your arguments and restate your position without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
You attempted to support your main points with examples, but they are too vague. The essay would benefit from specific, concrete examples that clearly demonstrate your points. Additionally, try to develop each point fully before moving on to the next.
task achievement
While you did attempt to respond to the task, your ideas are not fully developed or comprehensive. Consider exploring the reasons and implications of the issue in more depth to provide a more complete response to the question.
task achievement
Your examples related to the topic are relevant, but they lack specificity and depth. Incorporate specific instances or data, where possible, to illustrate your points and strengthen your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.