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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many students like to get involved in extra- curricular activities at university such as social clubs and sports. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?v

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The number of
university
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students
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 who enjoy expanding their
activities
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 outside their universities has been increasing. In
this
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 essay, I elaborate on the benefits and drawbacks of
this
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 phenomenon.  On the one hand, there are several positive aspects of participating in social
clubs
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 and circles out of their facilities. One of them is that
students
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 can expand their connections apart from their departments. As members of
such
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 groups usually have different careers and backgrounds, they will be able to broaden their
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
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 through mingling with them. Another merit is that they can choose appropriate and comfortable
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 from a variety of
clubs
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.
For instance
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, even if they fail to assimilate into a
university
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 football team
due to
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 relationships with other members and the level of club
activities
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, they will be able to continue playing soccer in a social club. 
On the other hand
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, social
activities
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 outside universities are not always beneficial to
university
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students
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. First of all, their test schedule is not considered by
clubs
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,
for example
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, even if they are willing to participate, they will have difficulty enjoying their
activities
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but
Correct word choice
and
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 need to pay for club fees during their examination periods.
Additionally
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, as social
activities
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 usually take place outside their facilities, they will be required to find
mode
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a mode
the mode
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 of transport to take part. If they do not possess private vehicles, lack of public transport sometimes becomes deterrence.  In conclusion, a number of
university
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students
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 join extra-curricular
activities
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 today because they are willing to obtain connections
out
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outside
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 of their institutions and just because they feel more comfortable than in
university
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 official
clubs
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.
However
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, it is likely to be disadvantageous when they are in test terms or they cannot find any transport to reach venues
of
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for
show examples
 social
activities
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.

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task response
The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages of extracurricular activities at university, addressing the prompt effectively. However, it could benefit from more specific examples or studies to illustrate points further.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences could be more clearly connected to improve the logical flow. Consider using more linking words to bridge ideas smoothly.
task response
Try adding more concrete examples or case studies to strengthen arguments. This will provide a clearer picture of the points being made.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear and well-organized structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that effectively summarizes the points.
task response
The essay successfully identifies both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, giving a well-rounded analysis.
task response
The main points are generally well-supported, highlighting both the potential benefits of extra-curricular activities and the challenges faced.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • extra-curricular activities
  • soft skills
  • teamwork
  • leadership
  • communication skills
  • workplace
  • mental and physical well-being
  • stress
  • physical fitness
  • balanced lifestyle
  • academic performance
  • network
  • time mismanagement
  • academic responsibilities
  • financial strain
  • membership fees
  • equipment purchases
  • travel expenses
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