Many students like to get involved in extra- curricular activities at university such as social clubs and sports. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?v

The number of
university
students
who enjoy expanding their
activities
outside their universities has been increasing. In
this
essay, I elaborate on the benefits and drawbacks of
this
phenomenon.  On the one hand, there are several positive aspects of participating in social
clubs
and circles out of their facilities. One of them is that
students
can expand their connections apart from their departments. As members of
such
groups usually have different careers and backgrounds, they will be able to broaden their
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
through mingling with them. Another merit is that they can choose appropriate and comfortable
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
from a variety of
clubs
.
For instance
, even if they fail to assimilate into a
university
football team
due to
relationships with other members and the level of club
activities
, they will be able to continue playing soccer in a social club. 
On the other hand
, social
activities
outside universities are not always beneficial to
university
students
. First of all, their test schedule is not considered by
clubs
,
for example
.
Therefore
, even if they are willing to participate, they will have difficulty enjoying their
activities
but
Correct word choice
and
show examples
need to pay for club fees during their examination periods.
Additionally
, as social
activities
usually take place outside their facilities, they will be required to find
mode
Add an article
a mode
the mode
show examples
of transport to take part. If they do not possess private vehicles, lack of public transport sometimes becomes deterrence.  In conclusion, a number of
university
students
join extra-curricular
activities
today because they are willing to obtain connections
out
Change preposition
outside
show examples
of their institutions and just because they feel more comfortable than in
university
official
clubs
.
However
, it is likely to be disadvantageous when they are in test terms or they cannot find any transport to reach venues
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
social
activities
.
Submitted by takuya13sugimoto on

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task response
The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages of extracurricular activities at university, addressing the prompt effectively. However, it could benefit from more specific examples or studies to illustrate points further.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences could be more clearly connected to improve the logical flow. Consider using more linking words to bridge ideas smoothly.
task response
Try adding more concrete examples or case studies to strengthen arguments. This will provide a clearer picture of the points being made.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear and well-organized structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that effectively summarizes the points.
task response
The essay successfully identifies both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, giving a well-rounded analysis.
task response
The main points are generally well-supported, highlighting both the potential benefits of extra-curricular activities and the challenges faced.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • extra-curricular activities
  • soft skills
  • teamwork
  • leadership
  • communication skills
  • workplace
  • mental and physical well-being
  • stress
  • physical fitness
  • balanced lifestyle
  • academic performance
  • network
  • time mismanagement
  • academic responsibilities
  • financial strain
  • membership fees
  • equipment purchases
  • travel expenses
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